


In The Morning I'll Be With You (But It Will Be A Different Kind)

by agirlnamedtruth



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Big Bang Challenge, Canon Era, Canonical Character Death, Crossover, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Imprisonment, Modern Era, Multi, Spoilers, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-17
Updated: 2013-04-17
Packaged: 2017-12-08 18:19:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/764503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agirlnamedtruth/pseuds/agirlnamedtruth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the TARDIS lands on the island in the lake that was once Avalon, Merlin realises that waiting for Arthur isn't his only option anymore, he can go to him. The only catch; he can't change the past...unless it turns out he's meant to.</p><p>Arthur/Merlin with background Amy/Rory and Gwen/Lancelot, references to Gwen/Arthur and Arthur/Morgana marriages as per the legend. Spoilers for Merlin 5x13 and references to canon character death. Written for <a href="http://angstbigbang.livejournal.com">Angst Big Bang</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In The Morning I'll Be With You (But It Will Be A Different Kind)

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to thank xthursdaynextx for _everything_ and weekendgothgirl for cheerleading this even before I got her so invested in Merlin/Arthur. I'd also like to thank twisted_slinky for the amazing artwork, it really blew me away. Title taken from Birdy's Skinny Love. 
> 
>  
> 
> [ART MASTERPOST](http://twisted-slinky.livejournal.com/70021.html)

Merlin glanced at the island in the middle of the lake, the one that had once been Avalon until everyone who called it by that name had died. Everyone except him. It wasn’t even called a lake anymore, somewhere along the line they’d put up walls around it and renamed it a reservoir. Thirlmere, if he remembered correctly.

But it made no difference to him what men called it, now or then. All that mattered to him was that the small island within its waters was silent, undisturbed. Once it had been handed over to private hands, to some water company or another, he’d found himself almost relieved because there’d be no more signs of life to get his hopes up, no children in boats playing at being great kings. He’d put up warding spells to keep people from wanting to enter the water but he found that didn’t work half as well on children as the trespassing signs had.

He paused, reaching out to the island, just in case. Over the centuries, he’d started losing faith in the _future_ part of his and Arthur’s destiny. It had been too long and Albion had been in need of its one true king many times over but not once had the water so much as stirred. But he still made his pilgrimage every day to give his endless life some purpose, walking a length of the A591 from Dunmail Raise to Keswick and back again, just to take the little side road that ran directly alongside the lake. It took him the better part of four hours each way, eating away at time he wouldn’t have known what to do with otherwise.

It was as close as he dared get to the island itself. Any closer and he feared he’d end up crossing the water and living there, driven slowly insane thinking every tiny sound was Arthur. As it was he’d taken up residence at the Raise’s apex. He was hidden from mortal eyes and it allowed him to watch over the lake. He found the rumours that surrounded it oddly fitting too. He himself didn’t know if any kings were buried under his feet but it wasn’t too far from where he’d buried Morgana or where he’d said goodbye to Arthur. Although her cairn was long gone by now and Arthur had never had one. Still, it gave him an odd sense comfort to look upon the stones from time to time and pretend.

He took in a deep breath, bordering on a sigh and picked up his feet again, ready to move on. He’d not taken three steps when he felt the world around him ripple. The island had breathed again.

-x-

“This doesn’t look like Paris!” Amy complained, sticking her head out of the TARDIS. “It doesn’t even look like France.”

“Wouldn’t you die of shock if it was though?” Rory asked quietly, joining her outside.

“Well, it has to be somewhere or we wouldn’t be here,” The Doctor said, pushing his way past them both.

The somewhere that they were seemed to be in the middle of a lake. The sky was stone grey and there was a harsh chill coming from the water but Amy was sure that wasn’t why she was shivering. The small island seemed to have a haunted feel to it and her very soul seemed to know that she wasn’t wanted.

“We should go,” she heard herself saying, almost before she’d finished thinking it.

-x-

Merlin turned, staring at the island head on, almost annoyed with it. “And what do you think you’re doing?” He asked of it aloud, half expecting an answer.

The ripple had flowed outwards from the lake, an entirely different feel to the times when children had broken past his enchantments. Whatever it was came from the inside, from the disturbed air of the island itself.

Merlin glared at it a few seconds longer, waiting for the other shoe to drop but nothing else came.

-x-

“I don’t like it,” Amy said, trying to conceal her fear with stubbornness. “It’s cold and boring and miserable. It’s Ledworth with a bigger pond.”

“It’s the Lake District, so you’re not far off,” Rory pointed out.

“No, it’s not,” The Doctor decided.

“Yeah, it is. I came here loads as a kid. Hated it,” Rory complained, taking in the hills and the faint outline of a road across the lake, its stone wall the only thing from keeping the cars from tumbling into the water.

“No... can’t you feel it? This place is mystical. There’s magic in the air and I mean that literally, you know,” The Doctor crouched down and put his palm to the Earth. “Yes. Sixth century at the latest. Though you might be right, geographically at least, but this won’t be the Cumbria that you know for at least another fourteen hundred years.”

“Erm, Doctor... wasn’t that a lorry?” Rory pointed over to the road.

“No. What?” The Doctor looked over to the road only to see another car speed past. “No. It can’t be.”

“I think it was,” Amy said, with a relieved smile. “Never mind though, you get it right... well, more than half of the time. Let’s go, I came here on a school trip once and I have no urge to spend another day staring at hills.”

Amy and Rory had gotten all the way to the TARDIS doors before they realised The Doctor was still crouched on the ground, seemingly whispering to the grass.

“Doctor?” Rory prompted him.

“No,” he said quietly, half to himself before standing and addressing them. “Something is keeping this island protected, almost like it’s on pause and you can’t do that unless you are a very powerful something. Or a very scary something. Or both.”

“Another good reason to go?” Amy tried despite knowing there was no chance of The Doctor letting a mystery go unsolved.

“Another good reason to stay!” The Doctor said, whirring into action again. “Pond, picnic blanket. Mr Pond, picnic. Hop to.”

“We’re going to have a picnic?” Amy asked, trying not to roll her eyes.

“Yes! Or not. Just something, something that makes us look completely inconspicuous.”

“And having a picnic on a deserted island in what feels like the middle of winter, and it looks like it’s about to rain too, makes us look inconspicuous?” Rory asked, half complaining and half in disbelief.

“You’re English, of course it does.” The Doctor took him by the shoulder and steered him through the door. “Don’t forget the fish custard.”

As soon as they were through the doors, he turned away from the TARDIS, his face darkening. He only knew of a handful of entities that could hold an island in stasis like this one was and none of them he fancied running in to. Half of them he wasn’t even sure were more than bedtime stories for the children of time. But whatever was guarding this island was doing so for a reason and those reasons were rarely good.

-x-

Merlin clambered down the hill, half forgetting that he was supposed to be an old man incapable of such feats.

Nothing was breaking into Avalon, something was breaking out. Or in the process of breaking out at least. In the few minutes it had taken him to scale the wall and reach the water, the island had fallen silent but he didn’t trust that to mean he could relax. What good would waiting the last fifteen hundred years have done if he let him wander off in the first five minutes.

 _Not that it’s him,_ Merlin told himself, not daring to hope.

“It’s not him,” he said aloud.

He dumped his bags on the ground and began pulling shrubbery until it revealed a hidden boat. He took a moment to wonder if it would still be safe - he hadn’t replaced it a good few years and rot did terrible things to wooden boats. He shook his head, dragging the boat out anyway. He would gladly swim if it that was what it took to get to him.

“It’s not going to be him,” he reminded himself.

-x-

“Explain again why we’re doing this,” Amy said, nibbling on a fish finger that she didn’t really want. As it turned out their emergency picnic stash wasn’t that much of a stash. In fact, fish fingers and custard were the only things The Doctor seemed to have plenty of.

“I like picnics. Don’t you like picnics?” The Doctor turned to her, a look of mock offense on his face. He was buying them time, trying to keep them distracted.

“Love them. In the summer. With sandwiches and cakes.”

“Nah, that’s mainstream picnicking, boring, this is much better.” The Doctor said, his mind only half on the nonsense he was saying. For a few seconds he had felt something, like the something he had felt in the ground. Magic. Old magic at that.

Merlin stomped up the shore, half frozen and now more than half-hopeful yet still talking himself out of it with every step.

“What was that?” Rory asked, suddenly aware of a distant voice.

“Shhh, keep picnicking. Inconspicuously,” The Doctor said, his eyes darting back and forth like he was trying to watch every one of the island’s trees at once.

“It’s not him. It won’t be him. It can’t be him...” Merlin repeated like a mantra, over and over, in an attempt to keep his heart from soaring... and then breaking if it wasn’t him.

“It won’t be him. It can’t be him,” he pushed his way through the final trees to the centre of the island, where the ripple had started. “It’s not him, it won’t be him, it can’t be him.”

He glanced around the clearing, searching Arthur out despite himself and finding two men and a girl sat on the ground instead.

“You’re not him,” Merlin said, his stomach dropping and his heart breaking nonetheless.

“I beg your pardon?” Rory asked, his mouth hanging agape.

“You’re not him,” Merlin repeated, not for the boy’s benefit but for his own. “You’re not...” he stopped himself. He hadn’t spoken his name, not even to himself, in 1475 years; he wasn’t going to start now.

“Hello?” Amy tried, not sure the old man was even entirely aware they were there.

“No. No, sorry, you can’t be here,” Merlin said, the old grumpy man act slipping back into place like it had never left him for those brief seconds. “Private property. You’ll have to leave.”

“Are you ok? You look...soaked.” Rory said with a pitying look.

“Yes, well, the bloody boat sank, didn’t it?”

Merlin sized up the other man, tall and gangly and apparently unsurprised by his arrival. Curiosity and even open mockery was something he expected these days but he didn’t like the way the man was quietly staring at him, taking him in, almost like he was sizing him up in turn. “Who are you?”

“Me? Nobody. Well, not nobody, The Doctor but certainly not someone to worry about in any way.”

“What’s wrong, Doctor? Do you know him?” Amy whispered, leaning in close to him in an attempt to go unheard.

“No but that’s worse. If I’d have known him, I would have known what to do,” The Doctor whispered back.

“I can hear you, you know,” Merlin interrupted, getting more irritated by the second.

“Yes. Sorry! How rude,” The Doctor stood up and made his way over to Merlin.

His sudden movement caught Merlin by surprise and he found the strange man suddenly grasping his arm and vigorously shaking his hand.

“Like I said, I’m The Doctor, that’s Pond and that is Rory, also a Pond,” The Doctor glanced down at the hand he was shaking, then back up to Merlin’s face. “And who are you?”

“Nobody,” Merlin pulled his hand away suddenly, not liking how The Doctor was staring at him.

“No, you’re pretending to be nobody but you’re not...” The Doctor leaned in close, looking for a some sign that something wasn’t what it seemed. “Your eyes. Have you ever been told you have the eyes of somebody young yet incredibly, unimaginably old? Like you have the weight of the world hanging over you? Like you have a destiny you can’t ever escape, no matter how much you want to?” The Doctor drew in a breath, leaning even closer. “Because I have and I know what that means.”

“And what do you think it means?” Merlin asked, taken aback by how much this strange Doctor could see just in a look.

“Oh, that’s not something I can tell you. You already know.” The Doctor straightened himself, like nothing had happened. “Come along Ponds, best be going.”

The Doctor walked up to a blue box that had Merlin had not noticed before. He waited there while the others packed away their food. Merlin tried to tell himself he was glad they were leaving but he couldn’t let go of what The Doctor had said. He didn’t know what it meant and the fact that he _should_ know was clawing away at him. He finally swallowed his pride just before the blue box’s door closed.

“What does it mean!” He shouted after them.

The Doctor paused, caught by the barely noticeable way his voice changed. A human ear wouldn’t have been able to hear it but somewhere underneath there was another voice, scared, broken and oh so much younger than the old man standing there. The Doctor couldn’t help but turn and face him.

“It means you’ve seen too much. Much too much. And lost too much. More than anyone could understand.” The Doctor walked back towards him. “It means you’re running and you’ll never stop running. I don’t know what from but I _know_...” he stopped a few paces away from him. “What are you running from? I could help.”

“I...” Merlin started but he couldn’t quite form words. Instead he glanced through the thin line of trees to the shore on the other side of the lake. The shore from where he’d started running. He closed his eyes, letting all the magic fall away. After centuries he wasn’t sure what he would look like without it.

He opened his eyes, the gold shimmering though them still. He couldn’t see it but hadn’t changed at all. It was like the years had happened to somebody else.

If his sudden change of appearance startled The Doctor, he didn't show it. Amy and Rory on the other hand stood staring, mouths agape.

"How..." was about as much as Rory could manage, with Amy not even managing real words. "Huh."

"How did you know?" Merlin asked The Doctor, his voice softer and quieter now he was no longer old.

"I started running one day and I haven't stopped since." 

Merlin looked over The Doctor again, this time seeing lines he hadn't quite cared to look for before and that same sense of tiredness in his eyes that Merlin felt every day. He wanted to ask what it was that he was running from but that would be rude, after all they hadn't pressed him to reveal his secret. Not that he knew what his secret was anymore. Once upon a time it had been hiding his magic from Arthur and then it became hiding his feelings for Arthur. Then, well, by the end he'd given them all up. No more secrets.

Almost none at least. In his mind it would have been selfish to tell him everything, to burden him with confessions of love while he lay dying. Or perhaps it was the other way round; he had been selfish because he couldn't bear the idea that Arthur would reject him. Or worse that he wouldn't and Merlin would have had to watch not only his friend die but every chance he could have had at happiness, at love. Whichever way, and Merlin couldn't remember which way it actually had been anymore, it had been better for them both that Arthur never knew of his feelings and Merlin would never need to know what he would have said if he had known. Any other way would have been an act of masochism, more painful than the one he put himself through every day.

"Amy, get the blanket. I think our friend here needs a little sit down," The Doctor looked him up and down with an air of concern that he hadn't seen on anyone since the last time he'd been with Kilgharrah, when he'd told Merlin there was nothing either of them could do.

Merlin nodded, half to himself. His head was spinning from transforming himself or possibly from confronting what had set him running in the first place. Arthur was gone. And he hadn’t come back.

When the girl, Amy, laid out the blanket, he stumbled over to it like a man drunk. His feet felt less sure of themselves young than they had old but when he tripped Amy caught him, setting him down gently on the ground.

"Doctor, is he going to be ok?" Rory asked, his inner nurse kicking in as Merlin fell unconscious.

"It takes true power to change yourself like that and keep it up. I suspect he's been doing it for a long time now and I don't think he realised how much it was costing him. I mean, for the TARDIS to get through shielding like this..." The Doctor trailed off, staring down at the old man turned young. “I just wish I knew who he is.”

-x-

When Merlin awoke he thought for a second it had all been some dream. It was not unusual for his mind to tease him with what had been and what could be only to leave him cold and alone come morning. What his mind meant with these strange people, he had no idea but it never did one good to try and unravel one's head.

However, much to his surprise the strange people were still there when he opened his eyes. He tried to sit up but the pounding in his head sent him spiralling again.

"What happened? What did you do to me?" Merlin asked. His once overly trusting nature had been tarnished by one too many betrayals.

"We didn't do anything, you just kind of...sparked out," Rory answered, leaning over him and prodding at him. "It's ok, I'm a nurse."

"A what?" Merlin spared him a glance before attempting to push him off.

"It's like a Doctor. Well, almost," Amy filled in.

"Like him?" Merlin nodded over to The Doctor although his title was just as foreign to him as nurse had been.

The Doctor himself was sitting a few feet away, oddly quiet yet subtly watching Merlin's every move, more out of fascination than cautiousness now.

"No, no, he's a whole other..." Amy started before The Doctor cut her off.

"How about a physician's assistant? I believe that's the correct term."

Merlin made a sound that would have been a laugh had it not been so steeped in bitterness. "Yes, well, so am I. Or I was, once," Merlin sighed, some of the harshness leaving his voice. "So, thank you but there's really no need.”

The Doctor smiled to himself, the little smile he didn’t realise he gave every time he’d gotten something right. “Who are you? Because you’re certainly not from round here.”

“Yes, I am, I’m from...” Merlin sat up and glanced about, trying to get his bearings and finally picking a direction that he was almost sure was right. “Up there, up on the Raise.”

“Yeah but you’re not. You’re like this place. You may be _here_ but you’re not really here, you’re stuck somewhere else, some time long ago. Over a thousand years ago?”

“Nah, he can’t be. He’s wearing jeans,” Rory said in disbelief.

“And I’m wearing tweed and a very cool bowtie but does that actually tell you anything about me?”

“It tells me that you think you’re cool but you actually look a right idiot,” Amy said with a shrug.

Merlin bit the inside of his lip, the word stinging like a slap. “One thousand, four hundred and seventy five years, three months and about twelve days. I think. There were a few times when I stopped counting but it never lasted long.”

“Woah.” Amy said, her eyes wide in awe.

“It was comforting at first, you know, _it’s fine, it’s only been a month_ , then a few years, then decades. Eventually it stopped being a comfort and became a curse but when you’ve been doing something for long enough, you find you can’t stop even if you want to.”

“Who are you waiting for?” Rory asked knowingly and Amy glanced at him guiltily. Sometimes she forgot that flicker of another life they’d had and the time he’d spent waiting for her. But Rory never did.

 _My king,_ Merlin was about to said and then he changed his mind. “My friend.”

“They must have been a good friend for you to wait this long.” Amy said.

Merlin smiled, surprising himself because it was actually _real_. “No, he was _terrible_ , rude and arrogant and honestly, he couldn’t do a thing for himself. But sometimes, when he’d forget what a prat he was, he was...” Merlin trailed off; there wasn’t a word good enough for what Arthur had been and trying to find one had brought a lump to his throat, he wouldn’t have been able to say a word even if he found one adequate.

“What happened?” Amy asked, leaning forward and putting her hand on his knee. It was merely a consoling gesture but it felt strange after so long, all he could do was stare at it until she drew it back with an apologetic smile.

“He...” Merlin took a deep breath, bracing himself. “He died. I know everyone dies but he... there was so much he was meant to do, that I was meant to help him do. I wasn’t ready to lose him. I _thought_ I could save him. We didn’t... I wouldn’t let him say goodbye,” Merlin stopped and took another shuddering breath, painfully aware of the tears that had fought their way to be freed after being held back for so long. “I was _meant_ to save him. It was my destiny.”

Amy lowered her eyes, completely at a loss for what to say. She was pretty sure Rory must have been moved to tears as well, as he often was, but she daren’t glance at him.

“There was just _so much_ he needed to know and I...I couldn’t say any of it. Because if I had, it would have meant he was dying and I couldn’t accept that.”

“I’m sure he knew,” Amy said.

Merlin nodded but he wasn’t entirely sure. He’d known so much about Arthur, more than anyone else in the kingdom had so it seemed reasonable that Arthur should have inherently known how Merlin felt, how could he not have? Looking back everything seemed ridiculously obvious but at the time things had always been too complicated for them to be that simple.

“For everything I can do, I can’t do this. I can’t be without him. I don’t know how,” Merlin closed his eyes, every tiny detail that he’d tried so hard to forget flooding back to him. _I was born to serve you Arthur_.

Amy glanced back at The Doctor, her intentions written all over her face in an optimistic smile. The Doctor gave her a stern look.

“Excuse me, I need a moment with my Doctor,” Amy said, getting up and pulling The Doctor with her.

Merlin nodded, barely aware of what she’d said. He dragged his hands across his eyes, remembering his manners. “I’m sorry. I know you’re not meant to... but you’re the first people I’ve talked to. Apart from myself but I gather I’m not supposed to do that either.”

A few feet away Amy was batting her eyelashes and putting on her best impression of a kicked puppy.

“Come on,” she pleaded.

“No,” The Doctor said adamantly.

“Look at him; he just wants to see his friend again. We can give him that.”

“No. I’ve been talked into that one before. They’re never happy to watch, they always have to interfere and save them. Last time I ended up stuck in a time loop and I was eaten, actually eaten, by a Reaper. No, thank you.”

“We don’t have to take him to when he died. Just pick any date and he can watch him from the TARDIS door. I’ll stand with him, nothing will happen, I promise.”

“Pond, I think you’re forgetting that he is a very powerful...something. See, even I don’t know what he is. He could be dangerous.”

“He’s not. I believe what he says.” Amy glanced over her shoulder at him. He looked so small sat huddled on the ground. “How long did I wait for you? Fourteen years? He’s been waiting forever. And its agony, Doctor, believe me. For the most of it I didn’t even know if you were real but I couldn’t stop believing that you’d come back. I would have given _anything_ for you to come back and lucky for me, you did. But his friend is dead, he’s not coming back. Just give him a chance to say goodbye.”

The Doctor pulled a face. He wasn’t about to tell Amy about the various moments he’d snatched saying goodbye to his friends in the past, moments that by his own rules he shouldn’t have had but she’d unwittingly trapped him nonetheless. “Fine, but you have to stay with him.”

Merlin watched Amy wipe her eyes and give a triumphant smile. “What do you think they’re talking about?”

“If I know Amy, she’s just manipulated The Doctor into inviting you to come with us,” Rory said, glancing over to them.

“Come with you where?” Merlin asked suspiciously. He couldn’t leave here, just in case...

“Anywhere,” Rory said, just as Amy crouched down in front of Merlin.

“Ok, so this is going to sound super weird but just go with it. My friend over there, the one pretending to sulk, he’s a Timelord and that blue box, that’s a time machine and I have just bought you a once in a life time trip to wherever, or whenever, you want to go,” Amy offered with a proud smile.

“I can’t.” Merlin shook his head, not even understanding half of what she had said. The fact that they wanted him to leave Avalon came across clearly though. “I have to wait for him.”

“Sweetie, you could be waiting forever. We’re giving you a chance to go back, get closure.”

“But what if he wakes and I’m not here?”

“He can get you back so that only seconds have passed. Well, it might take a few goes but he’ll get you back here, I promise.”

“I don’t understand.” He looked up at The Doctor. “How can you do these things? Do you have magic?”

“Nope. Just your run of the mill time machine. Backwards, forwards, sideways, even upside down once,” The Doctor said, looking at the blue box fondly.

“You swear you can get me back here?” Merlin asked, the idea sounding too good to be true. The chance to see Arthur again, even if only for a moment...

“It’ll be like you were never gone,” Amy promised. “Come on, let us help you. Please.”

Merlin nodded, somewhat warily and let Amy drag him to his feet and over to the blue box, leaving Rory to pick up the blanket.

The Doctor stayed by the TARDIS doors as Merlin was pushed through them. Amy and Rory knew by now that he just loved watching people’s reactions to seeing the TARDIS for the first time but Merlin bowed his head as he went through. It was force of habit when entering a room, a habit that had never really faded.

When Merlin raised his eyes, he stopped in his tracks, taking in all the machines and lights.

“It’s alright, you can say it, everyone does,” Rory told him.

“It’s... very orange,” Merlin said, making all three of them stare at him.

“You’re supposed to say it’s bigger on the inside,” The Doctor said with a dramatic sigh, pulling the doors closed behind him.

“Yes, I suppose it is,” Merlin nodded, still taking it in, watching as The Doctor ran up to the machines and started pressing buttons.

“So... where are we going?” Amy prompted.

“I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know co-ordinates or dates or anything like that. Things were different back then. It was two days ride from here if that helps.”

“Oh.” Amy screwed up her face in though. “Can we manage that Doctor? We’ve got a _round about_ date and two days from here on horseback.”

“I’ll see what she can do,” The Doctor said aloud before catching Merlin’s eye.

_You can hear me, can’t you? To play with time and appearances like you have, I’m betting you’re more powerful than you look._

Merlin opened his mouth to speak but The Doctor shook his head, barely enough that you wouldn’t notice unless you were part of the conversation. _How are you doing this?_

 _Telepathic field, enhanced by my ship. Which is about to come in very handy. Come on up._ The Doctor nodded down at the staircase that Merlin was lingering by.

Merlin obliged him and climbed the staircase, trying not to look too hard at the glass floor beneath his feet.

_Touch the console. Anywhere you like._

Merlin followed The Doctor’s eyes to the bizarre central fixture of his ship and hesitantly reached out to it.

_Think about where you want to go and think about a time where your past self wasn’t there, don’t want you running into yourself. But make sure your friend is there. Think about a time when he was there without you. Can you remember?_

The Doctor caught a few flashes, stone walls and towers, a man, young and blonde, an overwhelming sense of devotion, before he closed the connection between them down, not wanting to intrude on the privacy of another.

“Think really hard. Tell her where you want to go,” The Doctor said aloud, barely above a whisper.

“Who? The Pond girl?” Merlin glanced round at where Amy had seated herself on the staircase he had just ascended. The place seemed filled with them.

“The ship,” The Doctor gave a nod to the central fixture again. “Think it and she’ll know where you want to go.”

Merlin closed his eyes, remembering a day at random, one where he and Gaius had been called out to one of the outlying villages to treat a bout of fevers that were going through villagers at an alarming rate. He couldn’t remember what Arthur had been doing in the days that followed but he certainly hadn’t been up to his elbows in wet cloths like Merlin had been.

When he opened his eyes again, the central fixture was moving. “Are you sure you don’t have magic? This all seems very unnatural.”

“No, not magic,” The Doctor smiled for a second before his face grew serious again. “That’s the second time you’ve brought up magic and seriously too. Is that what you are?”

“No,” Merlin automatically lied. Gwen had rescinded the ban on magic during her reign but it had been a long time since her reign. “Of course not.”

The Doctor studied him for a few seconds, remembering the feel of old magic that had come of the island in waves, before breaking out an over the top smile. “Of course not! Feel free to take make yourself comfortable, she might be a while given the unconventional directions.”

“Thank you,” Merlin said, not sure if he should be addressing the ship or its owner.

“Anytime,” The Doctor said back. “Haha! Any time!”

“Just ignore him. He does love his temporal puns,” Amy called over. “Come sit.”

Merlin made his way over to her, noticing the chair beside the staircase for the first time. “You should sit, I’ll take the floor.”

“Believe it or not, I prefer the floor. It means you can’t get thrown to it when his driving goes a bit wonky,” she nodded to the chair and Merlin sat, almost sure that was the polite thing to do. “I’m Amy, by the way, I’m not sure he introduced me properly,” she held out her hand and Merlin took it, not entirely sure what one was meant to do with a lady’s hand these days.

“Merlin,” he introduced himself.

“That’s unusual. After the wizard?”

“What wizard?” Merlin asked, shortly followed by “What’s a wizard?”

“You know, _the wizard_ ,” Amy said, pausing for a recognition that didn’t come. “Come on, even you must know the story, it’s legendary.”

“No, I’ve only ever heard of me and I can assure you, I’m not worthy of legends.”

“Really? Disney made a film out of it and everything. Oh well, we’ve got time to kill I suppose,” Amy put on her best storytelling voice. “Once upon a time, there was a man... or a boy, depends whether we’re going Disney or not. Anyway, this man was destined to be this great king and his name was... Arthur.”

“Arthur,” Merlin said barely a beat out of time with her. His throat felt dry and his head felt like it was going to start spinning again but he somehow kept himself collected, trying not to remember the first time Kilgharrah had told him this story. _Arthur is the Once and Future King who will unite the land of Albion._

“Yes! See you do know it,” Amy gave him a smile and continued. “Anyway, this man, boy, whatever, he couldn’t fulfil this great destiny without the help of...” She trailed off, making a hand gesture to imply his namesake, or more accurately him.

“Merlin,” he said, his own name feeling strange on his tongue. _None of us can choose our destiny, Merlin, and none of us can escape it._

“Bingo! And with Merlin’s help, Arthur took a kingdom torn apart by war and made peace. Made the UK the way it is today.”

“UK?” Merlin asked, the shortening lost on him despite the fact he’d lived within it his whole life.

“The United Kingdom,” Amy elaborated.

 _We fight for the future. The future of Camelot. The future of Albion. The future of the United Kingdoms..._ Arthur’s voice echoed through his head like he was back in The Crystal Cave.

“There’s a bunch of other stuff, dragons and magic swords pulled out of stones and this thing with his sister, best not go there. Oh and the Knights of the Round Table. Gawaine was always my favourite.”

“Gawaine?” Merlin asked before connecting the dots to Gwaine with a laugh. “I’ll bet he was.”

“Who was yours? If you remember,” Amy asked.

Merlin felt a stab of sorrow at the idea of comparing his late friends so he turned away. “I don’t remember. Tell me more about Arthur.”

“Sure. I’m not sure how much I remember but that’s the great things about legends, half of it’s made up anyway.”

“Mmmm...” Merlin said, smiling to himself.

-x-

“We’ll be there soon,” The Doctor called out after a while. “You two should go and get changed.”

Amy nodded and stood, practically bouncing over to The Doctor in excitement. “What are you thinking? Corsets and skirts?”

“A dress. No corset, they hadn’t been invented then,” he looked Amy up and down before rolling his eyes. “Nothing fancy, you’ll only be there a few hours.”

“Aww, you’re no fun.” Amy pouted.

“And, Pond,” The Doctor took her by the arm under the pretence he was directing her back to the stairs. “Be sure to make sure he knows _the rules_ >.”

“Yeah, yeah. Be boring, don’t interfere, don’t flirt with any great historical figures. I know.”

“I think _don’t interfere_ will suffice,” The Doctor said, letting her go with a small push in the right direction. “Don’t flirt with him either.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Amy said, biting her bottom lip to emphasize how seriously she took The Doctor’s warning and flirting in general.

“Pond, behave yourself!” The Doctor shouted after her as she took the stairs two at a time back to Merlin.

-x-

The Doctor’s ship was like a maze, full of twists and turns and corridors that seemed to go on forever before abruptly ending. When they finally got to the part of the ship designated the wardrobe, it had very much the same feel as the rest had. The only difference was a spiral staircase running through the middle, with rails of clothes spiralling up with it and several floors attached to it if you climbed through the rails. At the bottom there were several passages leading off from a central open space that featured several screens, not unlike the ones he was used to, and large mirrors on every wall.

Merlin caught a look of himself as he walked one of the mirrors. It felt unreal to see the Merlin he had been staring back at him. It seemed worse somehow that he _wasn’t_ the same as he had been. The longevity of fabrics had forced him to dress to fit the times. He pulled the hat from his head, scolding himself for still wearing it. He’d needed it before to keep his long hair out of his face and to minimise how tangled it got in the winter winds. Now it just looked stupid. The coat that had swamped him before now drowned him and made him look like a child dressed in adult’s clothes. When he slipped the coat off, he found that the white shirt below it was just as baggy on him but he daren’t remove it in the presence of a lady so he pulled at it instead, trying to get it to hang right.

“I don’t often say this about clothes, but I think you’re going to be the expert here. What are we looking for?” Amy asked, suddenly beside him, making him jump. He still hadn’t acclimatised to her overly friendly manner but for all he knew, that was how people socialised now.

“Something simple?” Merlin suggested, casting an eye over all the bright colours and exotic materials that surrounded him. “Just trousers and a shirt will do me. Nothing with buttons though, we didn’t have buttons. Look for laces.”

“Laces it is,” Amy nodded. “Same for me? Simple, I mean.”

“Yes. Not silk, only Gwen had silk,” he said half without thinking. Luckily she either didn’t hear him or didn’t know the name as it went unnoticed as she approached the staircase of rails and started searching them.

“How about this?” She pulled out a white dress made of thick cotton, similar to the ones Gwen had worn before she was Queen and dangled it over the banister for Merlin to see.

“That’s fine but you’ll need...” Merlin paused, searching for the correct term and blushing to his roots while he hesitated. “A bodice?”

“Right. Course, the wonder bra hadn’t been invented then,” she rifled through the hangers, ascending the stairs step by step until she leaned over the banister again. “How about this?”

This time she was dangling a white shirt, it was slightly sheer and billowed in the air. Merlin could have sworn it was the twin of several owned by Arthur. “Not white,” he called up to her.

“This?” She pulled another one out, almost identical but black.

“Not black either,” he shook his head. Every enemy had worn black.

“This one?” She pulled out a third, this one green and made from a much coarser material.

He’d never owned a green item of clothing in his life but he accepted it nonetheless. “That will do.”

“Awesome,” she said before disappearing back over the banister. She emerged a few seconds later with a dark green full length bodice. “Look, we’ll match.”

After another long ten minutes, they finally found a pair of trousers that laced up. Oddly enough they were exactly what he had been hoping for, dark brown and simple, just like the few he’d owned before had been.

“I have no clue what we’re going to do about shoes. Go simple again I guess,” Amy said, folding all the clothes over her arms and started down the stairs.

When she got to the bottom she draped the clothes over the screen and turned down one of the adjoin paths. This time, to avoid having to shout back and forth, Merlin followed her and together they managed to find a pair of battered boots for him and some plain slippers for her.

With their outfits complete, Amy insisted Merlin changed first, claiming he was half way there already. Or perhaps she’d noticed the way he kept pulling at his shirt sleeves. He’d never cared about his clothing, or much of anything, all the years he’d been living as shadow of the old sorcerer he’d created but knowing he was going back, going _home_ , it felt wrong to be wearing anything other than his clothes.

He felt a lot better once he was in the clothes Amy had found for him. The material was stiffer, thicker, _old_ but it felt wonderfully real. When he looked in the mirror again, he felt less like an intruder in his own body.

“Err... Merlin?” Amy’s voice came from behind the screen. “Can you give me a hand with these laces; having to do everything upside down is making me cross-eyed.”

“Of course,” Merlin said, the role of a servant coming back to him as easy as breathing.

Amy had somehow managed to get the laces on the front of her bodice tangled where she’d tried to thread it herself.

“If you could...hold it in place?” Merlin asked. He waited for Amy’s hands to hold the bodice to her chest before he took one strand of thread and pulled it free, unravelling the whole thing in one swift tug. It was a trick he’d learnt with everything of Arthur’s that had to be unlaced. It was easier to create more work for himself later than to have Arthur complaining at him for the way his fingers fumbled with the laces, which of course had only made him clumsier.

“You start at the bottom and work your way up,” Merlin said, pulling the lace through the final two eyelets and holding them together until they were even. “It will take a while but it’s the only way.”

“It’s ok, I was meant to give you _the talk_ anyway,” Amy said, glancing from his fingers to his face and back again, not sure where she should look.

“Talk?” Merlin prompted her when she didn’t continue.

“Yeah. The ‘don’t mess up history’ one,” she breathed in, expecting Merlin to pull the laces tight.

“You don’t have to do that. It won’t sit right if you do,” Merlin said, threading the lace through the next two eyelets and then the next two after that.

“Oh,” she breathed out again, standing naturally. “So yeah, don’t tread on any butterflies, don’t kill anyone and don’t change history... unless you were meant to.”

“How do I know if I am supposed to do something?” Merlin asked, crossing over the laces and wondering if he’d be plagued his entire life by riddles.

“You don’t,” Amy pulled a face. “That’s kind of the problem with this whole fate thing. But I always say; go with your heart and do what feels right then you can’t go wrong.”

“Oh, you’d be surprised how much can go wrong from doing what you think is right,” Merlin looked up at her before lowering his eyes again. It was almost cruel how much more comfortable he felt within his own skin while serving someone else. “Trust me, I know.”

“Well, follow your heart at least, yeah?” Amy said, watching his face for a reaction. She’s noticed that other than when he was talking about his lost friend he was surprisingly good as keeping his face completely still, like someone that had been lying their whole life and she had an inkling about what he’d had to hide. “You loved him, didn’t you?”

“What?” Merlin asked, not taking his eyes off the laces he was threading, his face remarkably blank.

Inside his head, he felt nowhere near as calm as he looked. He felt as uncomfortable as he had every time he’d been this close to Arthur, sure his face was flushing and his pounding heart could be heard a mile off. Sure his feelings for his King must be more than obvious. Sure that his body would betray him.

“Your friend,” Amy gave him an understanding smile even though his eyes refused to move from his work. “It’s obvious from the way you talk about him, you worshipped him.”

“He was a good man,” Merlin answered, avoiding the question.

“I’m sure he was,” Amy agreed. “But I never seen someone stare at my chest for so long without actually _looking_ at it.”

“I...” Merlin’s eyes flickered up to her face again, this time he was positive he was blushing. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”

“It’s ok. I understand,” Amy waited for him to look up again before catching his eye. “It’s ok.”

“I never told him,” Merlin finally said, dropping the laces, his hands unable to hold still enough to do anything with them. “That’s what I should have told him but he’d only just gotten over...” he paused, deciding not to tell Amy about his magic because that would be too obvious for her not to put two and two together. “I couldn’t do it to him again.”

“I’m sorry,” Amy said.

“I’m not,” Merlin drew in a breath, pulling himself together again and picking up the laces. “At least, I don’t think I am. Either way it was doomed, what did it matter if I loved him?”

“All I can say is _follow your heart_ ,” Amy took the laces from his hands and pulled them together in a bow. “That’s all you can ever do.”

-x-

When the TARDIS came to a shuddering halt, Merlin's stomach dropped. All of a sudden he wasn't sure - not that he'd been sure of this in the first place. What if Camelot wasn't the beautiful place he remembered? What if Arthur wasn't the same as the memory he had clung to?

"Are you ready?" Amy asked him, gathering up her dress and descending the stairs to the doors.

"No," Merlin answered honestly; he'd never been less ready in his life.

"You don't have to do this, not if it's not what you want," Amy said, hesitating, waiting for him.

She was itching to get out there and explore, he could see it in her eyes. He was holding her back. He was holding himself back. He wanted to run, screaming, down through the lower town, across the courtyard and up through the white marble castle until he found Arthur, probably still at bed, completely oblivious to the weight of the moment, its importance. But he couldn't do that, Amy had made that clear to him. He had to stay back, at a distance. He had to say his farewell silently, like a ghost who wasn't really there. And he wasn't sure he could do that.

But then the alternative, to know Arthur could be right outside those blue doors and yet not see him, just the idea was like a dagger in his gut.

"No, I'm ready," Merlin said, hoping that speaking the words would make them true. His hand absently rose to his neck, sorely missing the neckerchief that had used to sit there.

He joined Amy by the doors, each step making him feel more like he was going to be sick. When the doors opened, all Merlin could see were trees. He'd almost forgotten how green Albion had been, long before fire and smoke had taken over.

"Any idea where we are?" Amy asked as she stepped out.

"It could be anywhere. Everywhere looked like this before time changed it," Merlin answered, lingering in the doorway.

"Let's explore a bit, that's what he'd do." She nodded towards the inside of the TARDIS where they'd left The Doctor and Rory. "Guys! We're out in the wild here, we're gonna take a walk though before we try for take two..."

She looked around, taking in the silence and the stillness. Merlin imagined it must be quite unnerving after the loudness of the modern world.

"If we're not back in a few hours, send out a search party, yeah?" Amy waited for something that sounded vaguely like agreement before reaching for the door handles, giving Merlin no choice but to take that first step outside.

The ground felt different, like it was humming beneath his feet. Had it always done that? And when had it stopped?

"Come on, before Robin Hood comes and robs us," she looked around and decided on a direction, heading east, following the mid-morning sun while Merlin stared after her, wondering who Robin Hood was and why they should fear him.

"So, what are we looking for? What did you whisper to the TARDIS?" She asked after a while, pausing and looking around again.

Merlin opened his mouth, not sure what to say. The Doctor hadn't explicitly said it was a secret but he’d gotten the impression that nobody was meant to know what they'd done.

"It's ok,” Amy continued. “He thinks I don't know but he's not as much of a telepathic ninja as he thinks. Half the time I reckon we end up in the wrong place because he's sitting with his memories, thinking too fondly about the past or dreaming about the future. That's probably why we always end up in the middle of some mad adventure, because he's wishing for one." Amy smiled to herself, the loving smile of a person thinking about someone that they cared deeply for but who drove them crazy. He’d known the feeling well.

"A castle. It's big, white, hard to miss really," Merlin started before he realised that wasn't what he'd been thinking of, not entirely. "Or... or a man."

"I'm guessing he's going to be easier to miss than a castle," Amy started picking her way through the trees again.

"Come on, Leon, that hare was practically offering itself up," came a shout through the trees, one that stopped Merlin in his tracks. "Even Merlin could have hit it and that's saying something."

"Or not, that's him," Merlin grabbed Amy's arm and pulled her back towards a tree, steering her around it until they were off the path.

After a few seconds he could see red. Knights, three of them and then... there he was. He was so young, Merlin almost thought he was too early but then he remembered the comment about the rabbit. Had he really been that young himself once?

"Which one is he, then?" Amy asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.

"Wait, I heard something," Arthur held up a hand and turned to where they were standing.

Merlin pushed Amy further back, behind another line of trees. Merlin knew he should follow but he couldn't tear his eyes away from Arthur. He knew he was meant to simply be saying goodbye but instead he was committing everything to memory, every aspect of him, his eyes, his face, the way he walked, every step confident and decisive, the way his chainmail swished, the metallic ring of his sword as he pulled it from his belt, the way he'd said his name not a moment before...

Merlin would have continued but he was suddenly dragged backwards, torn away from Arthur and brought back to reality.

"We can't be seen, remember?" Amy hissed in his ear.

Her words knocked a bit of sense into him. As much as he would like to, he didn't belong here. Arthur had his own Merlin, the one who did belong.

He peered around the trees, glad that Arthur was still staring suspiciously in their general direction. This time he'd do it properly, this time he'd say goodbye.

Tears stung at his eyes but he bit his lip, determined to be stronger this time around.

"Let's go," Merlin said as Arthur turned back to the knights. He didn't think he could watch Arthur walk away.

"Ok," Amy took in a breath. She'd barely dared to breathe for fear she'd disturb Merlin's final moment with his friend, a moment he'd waited an age for.

As she turned away, the world seemed too still again, the air too thick and the snap of twigs too loud. It wasn't until an arrow hit the tree to her right that she realised how acute her senses had grown to danger. Merlin seemed to be as on edge as she was, his eyes running over their surroundings, finally spotting a man with a crossbow aimed at Arthur through the cover of foliage.

"Arthur!" Merlin shouted and she couldn't stop him, he was already gone.

Merlin barrelled into Arthur's back, taking him down and out of the path of the arrow.

"Over there, quick," he told the knights, taking in Leon's presence properly for the first time.

"Merlin," Arthur's voice came from under him. "Get off me."

"You nearly got a bolt through your head," Merlin said, justifying himself and admonishing Arthur in the same breath. "You could have died."

"I still might if you don't get off."

"What?" Merlin looked down the back of Arthur’s head, confused.

"I can't breathe, you idiot," Arthur said and Merlin scrambled to his feet when he heard the strain in his voice.

"Sorry!" Merlin said, offering him a hand up. Much to Merlin's surprise, he accepted it rather than making a show of getting up unaided.

"What are you doing here, anyway?" Arthur asked.

"I..." Merlin didn't know what to say. For a few glorious seconds he'd forgotten that this wasn't exactly where he was meant to be. In all truth, he didn't know where he was meant to be; only that it wasn't here. He could almost feel Amy glaring at his back.

"Didn't Gaius need you in the end?" Arthur elaborated, saving him. He hoped and prayed that it was the time he'd been thinking off.

"No, no it wasn't as bad as he'd first thought. So he, err, sent me back?" Merlin couldn't help but make it a question, his ability to lie wavering in the face of uncertainty.

"Great, you can accompany us back to the castle," Arthur announced and Merlin forced a smile, willing himself not to look back at where Amy was hiding. "My father should know about today's attack and this hunt was a disaster anyway. I was just telling Leon that I reckon you'd have had more of a chance catching something than he did."

Merlin dared a glance over his shoulders into the trees but he couldn't see anyone, not that he expected Amy to come to his rescue.

"Don't worry, Merlin, I'm not actually asking you to catch anything."

 

-x-

 

The journey back to Camelot was hard going, as much as it pained him to admit it, he had learned to appreciate the smooth surface of modern roads. It was worth it though, just to listen to the everyday chatter of Arthur and his knights.

He didn't remember the names of the knights, not the two that weren't Leon. These were different days to the ones where knights and servants could be friends; this wasn't the time of The Round Table. It was a sad thought that they hadn't met Gwaine or Percy or Elyan yet, perhaps not even Lancelot, he had no way of knowing. But then perhaps they hadn't met Mordred yet either, maybe they weren't doomed yet.

A part of him, the part he wouldn't allow a voice, thought that maybe Arthur hadn't fallen for Gwen yet and even if he had, there was no way she could love him yet. That Arthur was still far off, Merlin could tell.

When he glimpsed the castle walls, he felt almost sick again. It was his home but he knew if he entered those walls, he'd have to walk out of them again, knowing it would be for the last time. He'd never had to do that before, he always thought he'd come back or die trying. But it hadn't worked out that way. He'd lived and he hadn't come back. He couldn't face it. He couldn't hear those words. The only time he'd heard them was when they were followed by _long live the King_ and that King had been Arthur. He couldn't hear them again.

"Are you alright, Merlin?" Arthur asked him, dragging him out of the past, his future.

Merlin rubbed furiously at his eyes, just in case he'd started crying without noticing. He hadn't but it provided as good a distraction as anything.

"Just tired," he said by way of an explanation, faking a yawn.

"You really are hopeless. We've barely walked a mile and you're already moaning,"

"I wasn't moaning, you asked," Merlin corrected him, forgetting himself for a second. Were they friends yet? Not that they'd ever call themselves that aloud for anyone to hear.

"I'm sorry I did if all you're going to do is complain," Arthur rolled his eyes, answering Merlin's unasked question.

"I'm not complaining," Merlin started before realising that he really wasn't. “I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

"Now you're being sarcastic," Arthur said with an attempt at a scowl and Merlin couldn't keep the smile off his lips. It was mad how much he'd missed this.

His smile faded slightly when they got to the gates. There would be no easy denial once he'd entered the castle. Everything would come rushing back to him, he knew. Everything had slipped back into place too easily with Arthur, he couldn't let that happen with Camelot. In a matter of days the Merlin that belonged here would return, maybe in even less time depending on how long he'd been gone with Gaius already. It didn't matter, he'd have to leave sooner or later and it would be a better idea to go sooner.

Once inside the citadel, Merlin peeled away from them.

"Where are you going? If Gaius doesn't need you then I certainly do," Arthur called after him.

Merlin turned, not entirely sure where he was going so he said the first thing that came to mind. "I'm a mess; I need to change into new clothes."

"Alright. But hurry, I’ll need a bath now thanks to you," Arthur said with a nod.

Merlin started walking again. He could feel heat rise in his cheeks, not sure whether to blame the idea of bathing Arthur again after all this time or the fact he'd just shouted it across the courtyard for all to hear.

His legs automatically walked him to Gaius’ quarters. It was strange how easy it was to remember each turn and step like he’d never left. When he got to the door, he found it locked. It was more of a reassurance than a surprise; Gaius only ever locked the door when they would both be away, just in case any of the potions ended up in the wrong hands. He looked about him, just in case, before willing the door open. He stepped inside, shutting the door quickly behind him.

“Gaius?” He called out just to be on the safe side, it wouldn’t do to go stumbling around the place if this had all been one massive miscalculation.

He didn’t get an answer so he took a few more steps inside, pausing by the work table, another thought occurring to him.

“Erm... Merlin?” Merlin coughed, trying not to feel like an idiot for calling out his own name. “No? Good. Just me then.”

“What are you doing?” A voice came from behind him and he spun round, startled. His fear died in his chest when he saw a familiar face.

“Gwen!” He half shouted.

“Sorry, did I interrupt something?” Gwen asked, her eyes wide and her manner almost as jumpy as he had been. He’d almost forgotten how she’d been when they first met, before she’d grown into her confidence.

“No! Not at all. I’m just happy to see you,” Merlin said, aware that he was still half shouting, unable to deal with the surprise of suddenly being face to face with her. He’d been prepared to see Arthur again and on the walk back, he’d had an hour or so to pretend that everything that was happening was completely normal. He’d never even considered seeing Gwen again or what he would say to her.

“Thank you?” She said, with a confused smile. “I’m just here to get Morgana’s sleeping draught, Gaius gave me this should I need it,” she held up a key, one Merlin was sure fitted the door. “She was up all night, poor thing.”

“Of course,” Merlin walked over to the shelves, trying to remember for the life of him which bottle he should give to her. “How is she?”

He glanced over his shoulder at Gwen. It was a silly question, he knew, there was no way for Gwen to guess what he meant and there was no possibly of her saying what he needed to hear: _she’s fine, she’s sane, she doesn’t want to murder anyone yet..._

“A bit short-tempered. Like I said, she didn’t get any sleep.” Gwen looked over at the work table, at half a dozen small purple bottles. “So I’d better...”

Merlin pulled a face at the shelves he had been searching, wishing he’d been paying more attention when he’d been stood there. “Help yourself.”

“Thanks,” she reached out for one of the bottles and then drew it close to her chest, backing towards the door. “I’ll see you later?”

He turned to face her again, not quite sure what to say. He couldn’t tell her outright no, she wouldn’t see him later, in fact she wouldn’t see him for days and even then it would be a different him. But then he couldn’t make a promise he knew he couldn’t keep.

“Maybe,” he said finally. “You know what Arthur’s like.”

“Yes, of course” she gave a sympathetic nod before leaving.

Merlin took a breath, trying to steady his nerves. It felt strange, as though he was trying to break in to his old life, like any moment he would be discovered and thrown out because he really shouldn’t be here. Not to mention the fact that The Doctor had to be less than pleased with what he’d done, if Amy had found her way back to their ship by now.

He glanced down at his clothes, his excuse for running here, away from Arthur. He hadn’t lied; they were filthy from knocking Arthur to the ground. And they were _wrong_. The shirt was _green_ , he never wore green. Not to mention how it billowed around him for lack of a belt. The fact Arthur had not made some comment or other was remarkable.

He pulled the shirt over his head, determined to be rid of it, even if it meant stealing his own clothes from himself. He took the stairs up to his room two at a time, the green shirt still clutched in his fist.

When he got through the door, he looked around him, drinking in the sight of his old room. He vaguely wondered what had happened to it once he was gone... did Gaius clean it out and put it to use or did he keep it the same, just in case.

Merlin shook his head; he didn’t want to think about it. Instead he went to the cupboard where he used to keep his small supply of clothes, hoping that it wasn’t so small that the past him had taken them all with him. He wasn’t surprised to discover he hadn’t. Packing for himself had never been his strong suit, not when he spent so much time worrying about other people’s belongings.

He pulled out a blue shirt and _a blessed red neckerchief_. He felt like kissing it, just to make it feel appreciated. He chose a pair of trousers as well, even though the ones he was wearing were nearly a match. Nearly but not quite.

He chucked the clothes onto his bed, along with a spare belt and then remembered the few modern conveniences that he hadn’t been willing to part with on that ship. Namely, his underwear and his socks. He hated to admit it but both had come leaps and bounds from what he had piled up in his drawers. Nonetheless he found a pair of each and deposited them on top of the heap of clothes. He had obviously taken his only pair of boots with him but luckily the ones he’d been wearing were old and battered enough to pass for this time. So long as nobody picked them up and looked at their soles where some shop had helpfully enough branded their logo into them.

A sane person wouldn’t have made such an effort, he told himself as he undressed and then redressed himself. A normal person wouldn’t strip down to their skin and then replace the nice, comfortable clothes with ones that were thin and worn, the clothes of the servant. But that was exactly what he wanted to be. Deep down, he wanted to be himself, just for a few moments, just so he could say goodbye as the Merlin he used to be. The Merlin that lived here and served Arthur every day. The Merlin whose destiny it was to help the future king and protect him, even from himself. Not the Merlin who had failed and let him die. Not the Merlin who was really saying goodbye, goodbye forever.

Merlin stopped, drawing himself up straight and pulling himself together. It was his own fault he had ended up in this situation, he reminded himself, he should have never tried to... well, he couldn’t have let Arthur die but he should have kept to the shadows and used magic to save him. But it had been so long since he’d used his magic; his first instinct had been to put himself between his King and the danger. Perhaps that’s what being a knight felt like, he thought to himself. Either way, he was here now and he knew shouldn’t be and he had to fix that. And the only way to do that was to leave, make a clean break and go back where he belonged.

Merlin walked back out into the main chamber of Gaius’ quarters, making a direct path for the door before he convinced himself he could hide in his old room forever. He glared at the empty hook on which his jacket would usually hang and rubbed at his arms though his thin sleeves. Noon had passed and the day had shown no signs of losing its mid-morning chill so he resigned himself to being cold.

Jogging through Camelot’s citadel he saw more than a few people he felt he should have remembered, ones that smiled at him or waved but he couldn’t place their names or faces. Thankfully nobody seemed to know him well enough to stop him or talk to him.

When he got to Arthur’s doors, he didn’t want to open them, he didn’t want to walk through them, he didn’t want to see Arthur and he certainly didn’t want to say goodbye to him. But there was nothing else he could do, so he raised his hand to the wood and knocked.

“Come,” came the disembodied voice of Arthur and Merlin followed it, opening the door and stepping through it.

“You haven’t even brought the water,” Arthur said as soon as he saw him. “I thought I said I was having a bath.”

“I’m sorry,” Merlin started but Arthur cut him off.

“Well, go and get it then.”

“No, I... in a moment,” Merlin said, remembering belatedly that he couldn’t just outright refuse him. He really didn’t know how he’d survived being a servant for so long. “Just let me...”

“If I don’t have my bath now, I’ll be late for training,” Arthur interrupted him again.

“You’re the prince, they’ll wait,” Merlin said, his patience and his resolve wearing thin.

“The hunt was already a failure; I cannot be late for training. The knights will lose all respect for me,” Arthur said, walking towards him and opening the door, making Merlin sidestep him.

“I have to...” Merlin tried again but Arthur’s hands were on him now, on his shoulders, trying to steer him through the door. Merlin took a steadying breath but it didn’t work, if anything he felt less calm.

“You have to fetch my bath water,” Arthur finished for him.

“Sod your damn bath water! Will you listen to me, for once in your life, just _listen to me_ ,” Merlin snapped, all too aware of how close Arthur was, how hot the room was and how much it was tearing him apart to have this moment ruined.

He expected Arthur to shout or to clout him one but all he did was stare. It took Merlin a second to realise that this must have been the first time anyone had dared speak to him like that, himself included.

“I’m sorry,” Arthur said and for once it wasn’t the _I’m sorry_ that meant _I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that unless you want to say it again_. “What’s so important that you have to tell me now?”

Merlin cast his eyes downward, Arthur’s sincerity making him feel guilty for snapping. Any other time Arthur would have retaliated, called him an idiot and threatened him with the stocks but this he didn’t know how to react to.

“No, I’m sorry, sire. I shouldn’t have... it’s just I...” Merlin looked up, meeting his eyes and hoping to find something there that would make it easier. Of course he didn’t. He just found them staring back at him, a mild air of concern mixed with the remnants of indignation. Something so wonderfully Arthur, he couldn’t bear it. He was too close. He couldn’t lie with him this close. He couldn’t even think properly. All he could think was Arthur, all he could see and feel and smell and breathe was Arthur. More than a thousand years worth of waiting with nothing and all of a sudden he was everything, everywhere.

Merlin leaned in closer, his only other options would have been to stay still until Arthur backed off or to back off himself and his body refused to do either. So he moved closer, doing the unthinkable, the only thing he could think to do. He reached out a hand, even though Arthur still had hold of his shoulders. He reached out and brushed against Arthur’s cheek with his fingertips, certain that the barest touch would be all he was allowed, that Arthur would reel back in disgust and push him away.

But it never happened, Arthur stayed where he was, the only movement were his hands moving over Merlin’s shoulders, down to his upper arms. Probably to push him better, Merlin half thought, his eyes drifting closed as his body moved into Arthur’s, closing the small gap that Arthur had left between them. He dared to move his hand over Arthur’s cheek, cupping it firmly just before their lips met, allowing himself more than just the brush of fingertips and the brush of lips.

To his surprise, Arthur made the same allowances, letting Merlin kiss him rather than throwing him off the second it was clear what was happening. Merlin didn’t push any further, settling for the feel of Arthur’s mouth against his, not chancing anything more.

When he pulled himself away, he was more confused than Arthur seemed to be.

“What was that?” He asked, incredulous and completely forgetting that this had meant to be goodbye.

“You tell me, you started it,” Arthur pointed out, starting to look pleased with himself.

“But you... you let me! You let me kiss you. Why?” Merlin took a step back but Arthur didn’t let him go.

“I don’t know. I thought you might try it for a while. I’ve been expecting it really.”

“What?” Merlin did his best not to let his jaw drop.

“Well, all this bickering and name-calling, it’s just tension isn’t it?” Arthur shrugged as if it was obvious. “You like me.”

“What?” Merlin said again, this time not bothering to hide his reaction.

“It’s alright,” Arthur said, in a similar tone to the one he used when explaining battle strategies to Merlin and the exact same one he used when Morgana got jealous of a visiting princess. That infuriating one that said he knew that he was right. “It’s alright that you like me.”

“You...! No, no, I don’t like you, I can’t flaming stand you!” Merlin said, not entirely lying. Right now he hated him but in that way he had always hated Arthur, the reason for which Arthur had pinpointed spectacularly just a moment ago.

“See! That’s what I mean. There’s all this tension between us and it makes us want to shout at each other when really, what we should do...”

Arthur let the implication hang in the air, choosing to finish it by pulling Merlin back in and kissing him, this time taking charge and not bothering to be gentle and chaste like Merlin had been. Yet it carried the same need and the same fear that any second now one of them would come to his senses and realise what was happening.

“What about...” Merlin started, breaking the kiss to get the words out and air in.

“What about what?” Arthur prompted him and Merlin remembered he couldn’t finish his thought. This Arthur wasn’t married to Gwen, he didn’t love her and he barely knew her. He could hardly ask him how his future marriage would affect what he was doing now.

“What about...” He searched his brain for a way to finish it, along the way stumbling back over what had just happened and realising what it meant. “Are you telling me that all along, all this time, I could have just... Oh, you have got to be joking.”

“Merlin, stop being such a girl,” Arthur reached past him to close the door, once again becoming unbearably close, drawing every moment missed into sharp focus. For ten years, he could have... but he couldn’t say that. How could Arthur possibly understand all the opportunities missed, all the years spent ignoring his feelings because for Arthur, they hadn’t happened yet.

“I will kill you. One of these days I will actually kill you,” Merlin muttered under his breath which was ineffective given how near Arthur was.

“That would be treason,” Arthur pointed out.

“It would be worth it,” Merlin sighed, backing himself into the door and resting his head against it, eyes closed and his brain helplessly trying to figure out what was going on and how he was meant to deal with it. Of course, Arthur mirrored his steps, defeating the object.

“Look, Merlin, it’s simple. You like me,” Arthur paused and waited for confirmation. Merlin opened his eyes and gave him an exasperated look. “You love me?” Merlin closed his eyes again and banged his head back against the door in response.

Don’t change things, Amy had said, don’t mess up the future.

“Either way,” Arthur paused, seemingly deliberating his words. Merlin opened one eye out of curiosity; if Arthur was having to put thought into it, it should be good. “And somehow, despite you being the most useless, bumbling, clumsy servant in the whole of Camelot, I have grown fond of you. Very fond. Probably too fond.”

“That supposed to be a compliment, is it?” Merlin asked, knowing that it was but wanting to hear it anyway.

“Yes. I mean, I’m a prince and you’re a just servant, not even a good servant, and yet I can’t stop thinking about you, that’s got to mean something.”

Don’t change history, they had told him. What would happen if he said _yes, alright, I do love you_ , would that change history? He might still marry Gwen, he’d still go on to fight Mordred, he’d still fall. Could just a few minutes of giving in change history? Or a few hours? Or a day? Would an ill advised fumble with his servant even make it into the stories Amy had told him about?

 _Don’t change anything_ , she said, _unless it turns out you were meant to._

How will I know, he’d asked.

_Follow your heart, that’s all any of us can do._

“It does,” Merlin said, relenting. “It means that despite me being, what was it? A useless, bumbling, clumsy servant you love me.” He stood up straight, pulling himself away from the support of the door and towards Arthur.

_Follow your heart, that’s all any of us can do._

“And despite you being the most arrogant, self-centred, egotistical prat in the whole of history, I guess I love you.” Merlin paused, realising he’d probably put too many of his cards on the table. After all, this wasn’t the Arthur he’d spent years with. “When you’re not being a clotpole that is.”

“Hold on,” Arthur held up a hand between them. “I don’t think I said I _loved_ you. That’s a bit dramatic, don’t you think?”

“Arthur,” Merlin started, trying to be as polite as he was capable of being despite the overwhelming urge to hit him with something. He was so close, insanely close to having what he wanted, even if it was just for a minute and Arthur had to drag technicalities into it.“Shut up?”

“You can’t tell me to shut up, I’m still your Prince,” Arthur protested but the words didn’t have any resonance.

“Well, I just did,” Merlin said, his brain not even thinking about what he was saying. “And I’ve done it before and I assure, I will do it again. So, just...” _Shut up_ , he was going to say but Arthur had effectively shut him up instead, his mouth blocking his words and the hand that had started on his chest and decidedly migrated south blocking his thoughts. Just as Arthur’s hand reached the hem of his shirt and the waist of his trousers, he pulled away distracted.

“What was that?” Arthur asked, turning his head to listen better. Merlin was vaguely aware that the sound he made in response was rather similar to the ones he used to make when he was used as the target for Arthur’s training.

But he had to admit; somewhere in the distance he could hear a woman shouting. “Your father’s not put Morgana in the stocks has he?”

“Shhh,” Arthur waved a hand at him before walking over to the window leaving Merlin to follow him. He looked out over Arthur’s shoulder just in time to see a woman being dragged kicking and screaming through the courtyard.

“Oh no,” Merlin muttered to himself when the woman raised her head and screamed. Had he been thinking clearly he would have realised something like this would happen. Amy had followed him back here and somehow, she’d gotten herself into trouble.

“MERLIN!” She screamed and Arthur turned to him. The look on his face would have been priceless had the situation been different.

“There appears to be a woman screaming your name,” Arthur told him, like Merlin hadn’t heard it himself. “And that’s something I never thought I’d say.”

-x-

"Oh my God, what an idiot," Amy muttered, not quite sure if she was referring to Merlin for being so stupid as to actually throw himself right in the middle of history or herself for not seeing it coming.

Had it been The Doctor she had been with then she wouldn't have been surprised in the slightest by his heroic antics but Merlin... he was so timid and awkward, the type more likely to trip over a sword rather than handle one. But then it was usually that type that surprised everyone by doing something stupid and brave, something like jumping in front of an arrow.

She'd followed them all the way through the woods, hoping for the life of her that Merlin would realise and find an excuse to linger behind so that she could drag him back to the TARDIS before he did anything he wasn't meant to. But nope, he just kept on walking, a smile on his face a mile wide.

When they broke from the tree line, she finally realised why he was so happy. A great big, white castle loomed over her, dominating the skyline, the one he'd told her about, his home.

"Crap," Amy cursed, watching as they disappeared through a portcullis and through those walls.

She noticed the guards on the main gate, there was no way she was getting through those undetected and she doubted they would just let anybody in. She considered coming back at night, with a hooded cloak and a hidden dagger. That always worked for shady strangers in the films.

She was just about to turn and head back when she spotted the cluster of buildings descending from the slope of the hill, running all the way from the castle's edge to near enough the edge of the forest. Perhaps she could blag her way in, she thought to herself, or at the very least she could find someone and ask them to drag Merlin back by his ear.

She nodded to herself, he had lived there after all, she was bound to find somebody that would take her to him. Decision made, she took out her phone. She'd already been gone longer than she said they would be and she didn't know how much longer she was going to be running around trying to get Merlin back. It wouldn't do to have the boys worrying unnecessarily.

"Doctor?" She asked through the crackling. The Doctor had worked miracles on her phone but there was always a bad line when in the past, probably the lack of actual phone masts. "Can you hear me?"

When she heard something that sounded a lot like _Pond_ and something about putting tea cakes in the microwave, she pushed on regardless of the signal.

"Look, we had a tiny bit of a hitch but don't worry I've got it completely under control," Amy said.

When she heard something that sounded vaguely like a question, she continued. "I just, sort of...lost him. There was a situation with a crossbow, like an assassination attempt or a highway robbery or something. Anyway, he went diving in, trying to save the day."

Amy heard something that sounded like an elephant sulking and she rolled her eyes. "Oi, don't you start, if you'd been here we would have dived in, ended up captured and be on our way to be executed by now. At least I had the good sense to stay hidden and follow him back. I'm just about to go get him now, alright? I might be a while yet, this castle is the real deal, it's got a drawbridge and everything."

When she heard something that could have been _be careful_ she nodded and looked down at herself. "I should be fine, I'm dressed the part and I'll call everyone _milady_ or _good sir_. I'll be in and out in no time. Alright? Right, bye," Amy hung up the phone and tapped it against her chin, trying to work out how best to get from where she was to the town. A branch broke behind her, interrupting her planning.

"Who's there?" She asked, spinning around.

She was greeted by the sight of a red cloak and a whole lot of metal, including a raised sword. She did her best to sound like a maiden in need of some rescuing. "A knight! Thank heavens, you will surely help me. I'm looking for..."

"Drop the device!" The knight demanded, ignoring what she was trying to say and advancing with his sword pointed threateningly at her.

"Drop the what now?" Amy asked before following his eyes to the phone in her hands. "Oh, this? That's just my pho... That's nothing. Silly old thing, just a toy."

"Surrender it," the knight told her and she held it out, pretty sure she must be the victim of history's first mugging.

"Here, take it, I don't want any trouble, so just lower your sword, yeah?"

He took the phone but didn't lower the sword. "You're under arrest."

"Me? But you've just nicked my phone, how can you be arresting me!"

Amy thought about making a run for it but without Merlin, she didn't know which way would get her back to the TARDIS. And she still didn't like the way that sword was pointed straight at her.

"Alright, alright, I'll come quietly officer, just put that away would you?"

True to her word, she didn't make a fuss when her wrists were bound with rope and she was marched towards the city, the sword constantly at her back. After a while she relaxed; it was an unorthodox way to get into the city, sure, but she couldn't deny it was quicker than wandering about the old town would have been. And she didn't really fear the consequences of being arrested; it was probably for trespassing or something silly like that. A slap on the wrist at the most, she convinced herself, there was no way they'd put a woman in the stocks.

"I was looking for someone, just so you know," Amy declared. "You might know him actually; he's friends with a knight. Or he squires for one or something?"

Amy glanced behind her, earning herself a prod with the sword. "Tall, blonde, slightly _Regatta_ looking. Oh right, that's not a thing yet... erm, slightly posh looking I meant. Maybe he's a lord or something? This is the knight I'm talking about by the way, not the guy I'm looking for. That one is dark haired, heavy in the cheekbone department, looks like he hasn't had a good meal in a year? Don't suppose you know him?"

The knight remained silent and she sighed. She briefly wondered if she should mention the old man thing, whatever that had been. The Doctor had told her about this thing called a _shimmer_ once that could change a person's appearance but that was alien tech. And if she started talking about aliens, they'd condemn her as a mad woman just as easily as if she'd said her mysterious friend could talk to dragons or perform magic tricks.

She was certain that's what he was though. That was the only explanation. He was some alien, like The Doctor, but he'd gotten stuck on Earth years and years ago and forgotten what he was, thought he was human like the rest of them. And now he was stuck waiting for his loved one, convinced he would return to him, not understanding the finality of death. How could he really, when he had gone on living for hundreds of years. The more she thought about it, the more tragic it was. She couldn't imagine living that long, waiting for something, someone that would never come back. It reminded her of the Doctor, so very old and the last of his kind, how very lonely they must feel. She made a mental note to give The Doctor a hug when she got back.

Her moment of reflection was ruined by the knight jabbing her in the back again, prompting her to step on the drawbridge. "Ow! Alright, I'm walking as fast as I can."

They stopped by the portcullis and more knights rushed to them.

"What's going on?" One of the other knights asked.

"I found her in the woods behaving suspiciously.” The knight behind her held out the phone. "She had this on her. She was talking to it. It sounded like she was planning to kidnap someone with it."

"The King will want to see her; this contraption must be born of sorcery," the other knight said, examining the phone.

"That's what I thought so I arrested her for magic use."

"Oh lord," Amy said exasperated. "I'm not a witch."

"Also, while detained," the knight continued, ignoring her. "She mentioned the Prince, his servant too. It is likely it was them she intended to kidnap."

"I wasn't going to kidnap anyone! And if I were, I wouldn't be so stupid as to give you a bloody description of them, would I?"

"Is that a confession?" One of the spare knights asked her.

"No, it wasn't. Notice all the negatives. I'm _not_ going to kidnap anyone, I _don't_ know any Princes and I'm _not_ a witch!" Amy protested.

"Take her to the King, charge her with sorcery. We'll hold off on the treason until the Prince can confirm or deny knowledge of her," the other knight decided, letting them pass.

"I'm not a witch!" Amy said again before a horrible thought struck her. "Wait, you're not going to burn me at the stake, are you?"

"No, of course not. You may be a sorceress but you're still a woman," the knight answered and Amy breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh, thank God."

"Women are hanged instead."

Amy stopped walking and when nobody shouted _April fools_ at her, she started fighting.

"No! You can't hang me! I'm not a witch! I'm not even from here!" She started kicking but they just held her tighter, practically dragging her through the city. "I demand to see a Scottish ambassador! Fuck! Parlay! I'm not a witch!"

She threw her head back and screamed but they just ignored her. She screamed again, this time not at them.

"MERLIN!"

-x-

“I have to go,” Merlin said, pulling himself together and starting towards the door. Arthur’s hand caught his arm and attempted to pull him back.

“The knights can handle it, you don’t need to go anywhere,” Arthur said, the woman and all the fuss outside instantly disregarded. If only Merlin could set it aside so easily. But he couldn’t. This was his fault.

Arthur let his hand drift down to Merlin’s wrist, his fingers brushing under the fabric of his shirt sleeve. He was trying to get him to stay, enticing him in, Merlin could tell from the look in his eyes. And it would work; any other time he would give in and let Arthur have his way but... He bit the inside of his lip and pulled away, firmly this time, stepping back until he was out of Arthur’s reach.

“I wish I didn’t. Believe me, I would give anything not to have to go but I do because... you’ll be needing that bath water. Like you said, you can’t be late for training,” Merlin said, tripping over several words in his attempt to lie convincingly while simultaneously backing towards the door.

Why he was bothering to lie at all when she’d shouted his name for everyone to hear, he didn’t quite know, but he could hardly say he needed to rescue the strange, rather forward lady from the future that he’d met fourteen hundred years from now yet at the same time, this morning.

“Merlin...” Arthur shouted after him but he’d made it to the door and wasn’t stopping now. If he looked back, he’d end up staying, end up giving in. He couldn’t risk that, he’d already given in for a few short sweet moments and then reality had come crashing down on him, reminding him that he couldn’t do this.

“I’ll be right back,” Merlin said, opening the door and darting through it.

-x-

They didn’t take her to the King, not straight away at least. Instead they led her down several flights of stairs down into the cells. She’d still been kicking and screaming as they locked her in but since then she’d calmed and was trying to bargain with the knight guarding her. He was different to the knights that had brought her in; this was one of the ones from the woods. Maybe he would listen to her.

“Look, I’m really not a witch. I couldn’t even watch The Wizard of Oz when I was a kid, witches scare the hell out of me, honest,” Amy tried fruitlessly. “Just go find Merlin, he’ll tell you I’m not a witch.”

“We’ll send for him,” the knight informed her. “And for Prince Arthur too, as you claim to know him.”

“Yeah, send for Merlin and....” Amy paused, something clicking into place. Something that had been staring her in the face all day and she’d only just realised it. “Merlin and Arthur?”

“Yes, you did ask for them,” the knight reminded her.

“Merlin and _Prince_ Arthur?”

“Yes,” the knight said again, starting to look at her oddly.

“Oh my God, I’m stuck in a Disney film!” Amy turned away from the bars and sat on the sorry excuse for a bed that she’d been given, trying to come to terms with her situation. “Which one are you then?”

“I beg your pardon?” The knight asked.

“Well, you’re a knight, aren’t you? Which one?”

“Sir Leon,” the knight, Sir Leon answered.

“Oh, I’ve not heard of you,” Amy said before remembering her manners. “Sorry.”

Sir Leon looked at her strangely again and she thought he was about to say something but they were both distracted by a clattering coming from the staircase. After a few seconds of waiting on tenterhooks, Merlin came into view.

“Oh, you are lucky I’m behind bars, mate!” Amy said, glaring at him.

“I’m sorry!” Merlin apologised.

“They’re going to hang me!” She said, nodding her head at Sir Leon.

“They’re not going to hang you,” Merlin told her. “Not without a trial, at least.”

“Will you people stop doing that, starting sentences reassuringly and then following it up with something bad. It’s annoying.”

“Do you know her then?” Leon asked him and Merlin bit his lip. He couldn’t deny knowing her, not after everything they’d said but then he couldn’t tell the truth either. And he certainly couldn’t risk them bringing Arthur in to question her, just in case she said the wrong thing.

“Yes, sort of,” Merlin finally said. “I met her this morning, in the woods. But she doesn’t know Arthur; I must have mentioned him to her. So there’s really no point disturbing him over this. Besides, he’s having a bath.”

“Was she involved in the bandit attack?” Leon asked, tensing visibility and palming the hilt of his sword.

“No, no,” Merlin said quickly. “She couldn’t have been. She was with me when that happened.”

Leon looked taken aback and Merlin realised what he’d just implied. “Not like that! We were just walking, I swear.”

“Do you know anything about the charges?” Leon asked him, basically asking if he had seen anything that could condemn her.

“No, I’m sure if you gave me a moment with her, I could get to the bottom of it,” Merlin said, hoping that Leon would trust him enough to leave him alone with the prisoner.

“That would be most helpful,” Leon agreed with a nod. He turned and walked down the corridor, not quite leaving but giving them room to talk freely.

“What did you do?” Merlin asked in a loud whisper.

“Nothing!” Amy protested angrily before calming. “Alright, so, I was on my phone and one of the Red Coats saw me. They think it’s magic or something. I’ve tried telling that magic isn’t real but they... what now?” Amy asked when she saw Merlin’s worried look.

“About the magic not being real... in these times, it was. Very real. And it’s banned, on pain of death. Trust me, I know.”

“Ah yes, that’s another bone I want to pick with you, _Merlin_. You just sat there while I narrated your life story and you didn’t say a bloody word. No ‘by the way, Amy, I’m Merlin, and we’re off to Camelot to visit my friend King bloody Arthur. And watch out for the Knights of the Round Table because they might cart you off as a witch’. Whatever happened to chivalry?”

“Shhh, none of that has happened. He’s not king yet and the Round Table hasn’t even been formed. It’s very different to the fairytales you’ve heard. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but would you have believed me if I had? Would you have still brought me here?”

Amy exhaled, still mad. “Probably not. But it would have been nice to be warned in advance.”

“I didn’t mean to be here, I’m sorry. I just wanted to see him but like always, he was too busy getting himself into trouble,” Merlin paused and decided for what felt like the hundredth time that day to put all of his cards on the table. “I couldn’t leave him. I was going to sneak away as soon as we got here but then I couldn’t go without saying goodbye.” Merlin swallowed, the word goodbye still difficult to say aloud. “And I really tried but he kept going on about his bath and I just, sort of, accidentally... kissed him.” Merlin looked down at the floor; certain he shouldn’t be saying any of this to a lady. “And it all went awry from there on.”

“You did what?” Amy asked, her own anger fading in the face of gossip. Not that she would ever be able to tell anyone. Well, she could tell Rory.

“I didn’t mean to do it,” Merlin said, leaning his head against one of the bars. “It just happened.”

“And what did he say?” Amy said, sure that homosexuality wasn’t the done thing in this era of history.

“He just... was fine with it. It was infuriating really, the whole time I was here and nothing, the one time I’m not meant to be here and he hands me everything I want on a plate. I could be with him,” Merlin closed his eyes for a second, mostly talking to himself. “He needn’t marry Gwen. I could stop Morgana from turning to Morgause. I could save him. I could save it all.” He opened his eyes and pulled himself away from the cold comfort of the bars. “But I can’t, can I?”

“I’m sorry,” Amy said and she truly was. In his situation, she didn’t know if she’d have the strength not to change history so that she could be happy. It would be selfish, of course but it would be tempting too.

“It’s not your fault, it’s mine,” Merlin smiled sadly. “I should have left him be. I shouldn’t have come.”

“Of course you should have, you got to see him, didn’t you? And you’ll get to say goodbye properly this time. That’s worth it surely.”

“I suppose,” Merlin agreed but that didn’t lessen the weight on his heart.

There was a short silence, almost in reverence for what Merlin had to do. Then he seemed to create a resolve and he was back to the same Merlin she had been talking to before, back on the ship. It was a remarkable talent, she had to admit but it made her sad to think how much practice at hiding his feelings it must have taken to get like that.

“I can’t break you out now, not in broad daylight. Even if I did convince them you were harmless, the King would never take my word for it, I’m just a servant.”

“So, what do we do?” Amy asked, looking worriedly at Sir Leon who was getting restless.

“I’ll come back tonight, after sunset, I promise,” Merlin glanced over his shoulder at Leon. “I’ll say my goodbyes and come and get you. We’ll go back to your blue box and go back to the right time, pretend this never happened.”

“What will you do then?” Amy asked, even though she knew the answer already and she knew it would break her heart to hear it.

“Keep waiting for him.”

-x-

Merlin headed back up the stairs, not sure what to do with himself. He hated leaving Amy lingering in the cells, especially considering what she knew and what she might accidentally say. One wrong word and she could be marched straight to the noose, maybe even taking him with her. But he had little other choice. He couldn’t break her out in broad daylight, he couldn’t risk revealing himself even now because of the consequences it was bound to have on his past.

When he left the cells and the castle, the sunlight hit him. It was still afternoon, the same day. Only a dozen hours had passed since he’d woken up at dawn this morning and started on his pilgrimage, just in case today had been the day.

He started making his way to the training ground, just in case Arthur needed him. He had to do something until the night fell, he may as well do what he had been born to do.

The training ground was filled with knights he didn’t recognize. There were a few, here and there, that would make it through the next few years but they were surprisingly few and far between. With all they had left to face, he felt sorry for them. Really, it was a miracle he’d been able to protect Arthur for so long.

He watched him now, running drills even though he’d barely seen real combat. Merlin was stuck again by how young he was. Twenty one, if that. Just like the knights doomed to fall, Merlin felt sorry for him, he had so much on his shoulders already and this was barely the start of it. He’d work all his life to build a fair and just kingdom that he’d never see. He’d be controlled his whole life by a destiny he didn’t even know he had. The once and future king. But Kilgharrah had been right, at least in one aspect. Arthur’s story would live long in the hearts of men. Years so far from here that they wouldn’t be able to even imagine it, a girl would be sat in a time ship, telling their story with laughter and wonder in her eyes. Merlin wished he could tell him that.

He watched for a while, until he was sure that Arthur had seen him and didn’t need him. Then his thoughts turned to everyone else who had so much ahead of them. He couldn’t change their futures but he could see them one last time as they were now.

He sought out Gwen first, partly for insurance. If his weakness earlier had risked anything, it would have been her future, her happiness with Arthur. He had to try and make sure she would still get that happiness.

He found her in one of the stores, folding sheets.

“Gwen?” he said, announcing his presence and lingering by the door, still thinking of her as the Queen she was going to become.

“Yes, Merlin?” Gwen said, looking sideways at him while she smoothed the folded sheet and moved onto the next one.

“I just wanted to say...” Merlin paused, what could he say? Arthur will love you one day? You’ll love him? He’ll grow on you?

“Merlin?” Gwen prompted him.

“Yes, sorry, I just wanted to say I know he can sometimes be a prat and say the wrong thing but he does have good qualities. He’s brave and he’s loyal, he’ll be a great leader one day, one to be proud of. He just doesn’t know it yet,” Merlin said, each word feeling like he was saying too much and yet still underselling him.

“Who’s this?” Gwen asked, putting down the sheets and looking at him, confused.

“Arthur,” Merlin said quickly.

“Oh. Yes, of course, I’m sure he is,” Gwen said, still looking slightly confused. “Have you told him you feel like this?”

“What?” Merlin asked, now matching her bewildered expression.

“Arthur, have you told him how you feel?” Gwen asked. “I know you two fight a lot but I can see how much you care about him and Merlin, I think he cares about you too. He just can’t show it because well, like you said, he’s a bit of a prat.”

“Gwen, what are you talking about?” Merlin asked again, getting the same sinking feeling he’d had when Arthur had looked at him after that first kiss, bemused but knowingly.

“You and Arthur,” Gwen said. “That is what you wanted to talk about isn’t it?”

Merlin closed his eyes, certain at some point he’d wake up and this would have all been a strange dream. But Gwen kept talking and he didn’t seem to be waking up.

“You two care about each other so much, everyone can see it. I mean, just a few weeks ago, you nearly died saving his life, drinking that poisoned wine and then he nearly died hunting down that flower to save you.”

Merlin brow creased for a second while he tried to work out what Gwen was talking about. Then it came back to him. Nimueh and her poisoned chalice, the belladonna that Arthur had risked his life for. The next morning, Arthur had come to check on him, concern barely veiled under his usual bravado. That morning was when Merlin had realised he might be falling for him. Had Gaius not been there, he probably would have told him and risked losing everything. For years and years he was glad that he hadn’t told him but now... He thought back to that moment and wondered if there was any chance Arthur had thought the same thing. If that was the moment.

“Personally, I think it’s sweet. I mean I know you didn’t exactly like each other to begin with but that’s how it starts sometimes. And you are right, the more time he spends with you, the more he’s growing into a better person. I think you’d be good for him, Merlin, I really do. You two just need to put your pride and stubbornness aside and tell each other. And maybe stop trying to die for each other long enough to do that.”

“I can’t, Gwen, it’s not meant to be,” Merlin said. He wondered if he was the only one who could see that. All those years, he’d locked it up and denied it and now he was being told left right and centre that if he’d just told him, it might have been different. But it was too late now. He couldn’t change the past. And he’d already said way too much already. “I should be going.”

Merlin started to move away from the door. He’d come to try and encourage Gwen’s relationship with Arthur and like most things, it had gone spectacularly wrong.

“Merlin, wait...” Gwen said, following him. When he turned back to her, she hugged him, almost like she knew this was goodbye. “Follow your heart, please.”

She smiled as she pulled away from him, returning to her work. Merlin didn’t know what she hoped he would do but he knew he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t follow his heart, he never could. And when he had, it had always ended badly. He’d followed his heart earlier, spurred on by Amy’s words, the exact same words, and look where it had gotten him. He’d just have to take it all back.

He didn’t say that to her though, he’d already said too much, fucked everything up enough.

He took the stairs up to the sleeping chambers, walking past Arthur’s and stopping instead by Morgana’s door. He’d thought Gwen would be easy and Morgana would be difficult but he couldn’t see how anything could compare to what Gwen had said.

He tapped on Morgana’s door, sure that he didn’t know her well enough to be coming to her room without a reason. One that he’d have to think of before she opened the door.

“Merlin,” she greeted him at the door. And as silly as it was, Merlin was surprised to hear her greet him with warmth, with a smile on her face. He’d almost forgotten that she’d once been like this, before everything.

“Morgana,” he said and then corrected himself. “My Lady.”

“It’s alright, Merlin, you _can_ call me by my name,” Morgana looked at him, that odd, confused look everyone seemed to be giving him. Like they knew he was different but couldn’t quite work out how. She opened the door wide and gestured for him to enter.

“I came to...” Merlin started, glancing around for something to help him and spotting the empty bottle from her draught. “Collect this.”

He walked over to the bottle and then hesitated. These potions were what suppressed her dreams, stopped her from warning them of all the dangers. He couldn’t help but know in hindsight, she’d have been better off without them and he should have helped her instead.

“How are you?” he asked, turning away from the bottle and facing her instead.

“I’m fine, thank you,” Morgana said and then blushed. “Did Gwen happen to mention I was a bit short with her this morning? I do hope she didn’t take it to heart.”

“I’m sure she didn’t,” Merlin said, jumping on the opportunity. “We’re all here for you, you know. It may feel like you’re completely alone sometimes and there’s nobody you can trust but I promise, you can always come to me or to Gwen.”

“Thank you, Merlin, but it was just a restless night,” Morgana reassured him, missing the point entirely. But then she didn’t know, how could she? “I feel much better for the draught I took earlier and hopefully, I’ll be sleeping soundly tonight.”

“I just wanted you to know,” Merlin said, resigning himself to the fact that was all he could say.

She nodded and smiled, glancing to the bottle he still hadn’t picked up.

“I’d better take this then,” Merlin said, picking up on the hint. He grabbed the bottle and headed for the door before hesitating again. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“Thank you, Merlin,” Morgana said again, smiling indulgently.

Merlin nodded and left, strangely missing the old Morgana more now that he’d seen her. He walked the few yards back to Arthur’s room. He was the only one left to say goodbye to. Merlin closed the door behind him and leaned against it, not sure how to pass the time until Arthur returned.

There was a tapping on the window, it took him a few seconds to notice it but when he did he frowned. He walked over to the sound, frowning even more when he saw a raven. The bird stood patiently while he opened the window and relieved it of its message before taking off, flying back to the rookery.

He looked down at the paper, addressed to Arthur, of course but it was in his own writing. He remembered writing it despite having forgotten all about it until it was in his hands. It was a note, just to say he was on his way back. Merlin closed his fist around it, trying not to be angry with himself. After all, he didn’t know that in the future he’d be standing right here, wishing against everything that he could stay instead. But it just reinforced the fact he couldn’t. He had to go, even if Amy hadn’t followed him, even if he’d somehow found a way to make everything else work, he’d still have to leave because in the morning, he’d return, different and younger and ignorant of everything that would happen but he’d belong here. And right now, he didn’t.

Merlin walked over to the fire in the hearth and dropped the paper into it without even opening it. He tried not to resent himself, his past. After all, he’d always known it would come to this moment.

-x-

A few hours had passed since the note had arrived and Merlin had since calmed, making peace with it and resolving not to waste the last few hours he had. He wanted to leave Arthur happy, even if he couldn’t be happy about it himself.

The water for the bath had been hot to the touch when he’d carried it up the stairs in buckets but he never could predict how long Arthur would keep the men out there and sometimes, if he was hungry, he would just head straight to dinner. Merlin gathered that was what he’d done; after all he’d been hunting in the morning, possibly overnight and training all afternoon. Merlin couldn’t blame him for not checking in, especially after the way he’d practically fled from him earlier. And if he was honest, he was grateful for the extra time, he still hadn’t worked out what he was going to say.

At the sound of footsteps, Merlin reached out a hand and muttered a few words, heating the cold bath water back up to pleasantly hot. When Arthur came through the door, he stopped short, surprised.

“Huh. So you did actually go and get that bath water that was so important,” Arthur said, giving Merlin a look.

“Yes. Sorry about that, I just...” Merlin searched for an excuse. He was rusty at pulling them out of thin air, if he’d ever been good at it.

“Panicked?” Arthur filled in for him. “Merlin, I told you, it’s alright if you like me. And it’s alright if you don’t, if that’s what’s bothering you.”

Merlin sat down, inadvertently in Arthur’s chair but Arthur didn’t say anything about it. Could he do it? Take the way out that Arthur had given him? Claim it was nothing and that he liked girls really? He felt like he had already spent his whole life lying to Arthur, he was tired of it. He wanted, just once, to tell him the truth about something.

“No, I didn’t panic. Not for the reasons you’re thinking,” Merlin stared down at the wood of the table. “I do love you, Arthur and believe me, I have tried not to. But I can’t do this. We can’t do this. It’s not meant to be.”

He looked up at Arthur and waited on the insult, to be called a girl or a wet blanket but he found Arthur looking unusually serious. Merlin wondered if that was how it worked, he said the right combination of words; working like a spell, and suddenly Arthur would become a quiet, understanding, normal person. Rather than the Arthur that always put his foot in it and coasted on the fact he was the prince.

Merlin cast his mind back to all the quiet moments they’d had, the ones where Arthur had really surprised him, all the fireside talks and the confessions that came when preparing for battle. The moments where Arthur would admit he was scared or sad or doubtful of himself. Maybe that’s all Arthur had wanted all along, what he needed. Someone with whom he could just be normal. Merlin sighed, wishing he’d realised that at the time, during any one of those talks.

“Come on,” Merlin said, standing and walking towards Arthur. “You made such a fuss about having this bath, I’m not about to see it wasted.”

“Merlin...” Arthur started but Merlin shook his head, silencing him.

“Don’t.”

“But...” he tried again.

“Leave it,” Merlin gave him the best reproachful look he could manage and reached for the laces on his shirt.

“Just tell me why?” Arthur insisted, not moving when Merlin tried to lift his shirt.

“I can’t,” Merlin said. He couldn’t tell him the truth and he couldn’t lie. There was nothing he could say.

“If you do love me, and I do appreciate that by the way even if it is a little bit forward, I don’t see why we can’t act on it, like we did earlier,” Arthur reached over, mirroring Merlin’s actions and pulling on the strings of his shirt. “It might get complicated, it might all end in tears but I don’t understand why we should dismiss it out of hand. I want you, Merlin.”

Merlin reached for Arthur’s wrists. He meant to move them away, he really did but he just ended up holding them. For the second time that day, his resolve flickered but this time, he knew he couldn’t give in because Arthur wouldn’t stop him.

“That water’s going to get cold,” he said, moving Arthur’s hands away and reaching for the hem of his shirt, catching Arthur off guard and finally getting it off him.

“If you didn’t have feelings for me I’d understand but this... this denial of what you want, I can’t understand that. What’s stopping you? Whatever it is can’t be more important than love, surely.”

Merlin raised an eyebrow at him and Arthur blushed slightly.

“I still didn’t say I loved you. That didn’t happen. I just...this, whatever this is, it’s driving me to distraction. I can’t think about anything else. I thought you were going to die and you did that for me, and if you had died, I don’t know what I would have done but you didn’t. And I can’t get rid of what that felt like, the thought that I might have lost you,” Arthur took a breath, swallowing down whatever it was that was making him confess like this. “And if you even feel the slightest bit like that then I don’t understand how you can turn your back on it. Because I can’t. I won’t.”

Merlin dropped Arthur’s shirt on to the floor, at a loss for words. Arthur had put into words everything that he’d felt and kept hidden, how could he ask Arthur to do the same? He couldn’t. But he couldn’t give in either. There was no right move to make.

“And you can’t either, can you?” Arthur asked, sensing Merlin’s confliction and reaching out to him again, this time he left his clothes and brought his hands up to Merlin’s face, his fingers tilting Merlin’s chin up so that he had to look at him or look away. “You don’t have to deny it. You can give in.”

Merlin didn’t so much give in as give up. Even if he turned around and fled that instant, Arthur would still love him, whether he refused to call it that or not, and he would still know that he felt the same. He would just find him tomorrow and try all over again. Whatever the rules of not changing history were, he was pretty sure he’d broken them all. The future was fucked whichever path he took and it had been since that stupid moment where he thought he could get away with just one kiss. And if it was all fucked anyway, what was the point in stopping now? It was a mildly self-destructive thought but the only one he could live with.

“Merlin?” Arthur said, bringing him back to the reality of the moment, rather than the consequences of it in the future. Merlin blinked, making a decision in a split second before he talked himself out of it again.

“Fuck it,” Merlin said, rushing forward and kissing Arthur for all he was worth.

It seemed so much easier to be kissing him rather than fighting it all, his hands fell naturally to Arthur’s waist, the bare skin warm from the fire and the steam of the bath, while Arthur pulled at his belt trying to level the field. Merlin broke away so that Arthur could lift the shirt over his head and throw it to the floor, taking his neckerchief with it.

“So that’s a yes then?” Arthur confirmed and Merlin nodded, not wanting to keep them apart for as long as it would take for him to actually say the word.

This time, when Arthur’s fingers brushed against the laces of his trousers, there was no screaming woman to distract them, nothing to stop him from pulling the laces open and slipping his hand under them. Merlin made a similar movement to unlace Arthur’s trousers but Arthur’s other hand on his chest stopped him, directing him instead to back up until he was stopped by one of the posts of Arthur’s bed.

Arthur’s hand moved down his chest to the waist of his trousers, pushing them down until they fell from his hips. Merlin had a second to thank his earlier obsession with completely changing his clothes. He didn’t know how he would have explained modern underwear had he not. The thought fled from his mind when Arthur pulled away from Merlin’s lips, leaving them both to breathe heavily for a second before he dropped to his knees in front of him. Merlin could see the light fading in the sky through Arthur’s window and somewhere in the back of his mind he remembered Amy and his promise to rescue her. But again, the thought was pushed from his mind as Arthur took down the one remaining layer between his mouth and Merlin’s skin, the warmth of his breath making him forget everything.

Arthur took Merlin’s cock in his hand, his fingers running over its length and his lips brushing against the head in teasing kisses. Merlin rested his head against the bed post, grateful it was there now. Each touch sent a jolt through him, his knees threatening to give out on him every time.

"Arthur..." He started, whatever it was he was going to say deserting him when Arthur relented, opening his mouth properly and taking in as much of Merlin's cock as he could, stopping only when it hit the back of his throat. As he pulled back, he curled his tongue up, its tip tracing a line down Merlin's length. Merlin wanted to ask him where the fuck he'd learned that from but the only word that made it out of his mouth was _fuck_. Apparently he hadn't known everything about his king after all.

The tip of Arthur's tongue circled around the head, first one way around and then the other until Merlin didn't know which way was clockwise anymore before he finally took him in his mouth again. His one hand kept a steady pressure at the base of his cock, rising to meet his lips every so often while his other hand had hold of Merlin's hip, keeping him steady and pinned against the post. Merlin wasn't sure if it was him running out earlier or just a misguided sense of possessiveness but this time, Arthur seemed not to want to take his hands off Merlin for a single second. Not that he was about to start complaining about it.

Arthur's mouth on the other hand, he did have do something about or risk coming down his throat as he seemed to swallow him whole again.

"Arthur." He reached down blindly with his hand and tapped Arthur on the head for good measure. "Get up."

Arthur looked up at him and seemed to shrug, like he'd just been asked the weather, not to stop sucking cock like a well trained whore. He got to his feet but his hand stayed wrapped around Merlin's cock, keeping him walking a dangerous line.

"You, sire, are overdressed. Don't you agree?" Merlin asked, reaching again for the laces of Arthur's trousers and smiling, satisfied when Arthur let him untie them and pull them loose.

"Me? I've been trying to get undressed since lunch, you were the one who wouldn't bring the bath water," Arthur said with a smile. He was joking; at least Merlin thought he was. Although today hadn't been a good day to be sure of anything.

"I brought it, didn't I?" Merlin pointed out.

"Yes, that you did," Arthur glanced over to the forgotten bath. "I'm almost sorry to waste it."

Arthur took a step back, his trousers barely hanging from his hips where Merlin had been trying to rid him of them. He walked towards the tub, running his fingers through the water, raising his eyebrows and inclining his head towards the bed. Merlin just stared, watching him, mesmerised.

"Merlin, bed," Arthur said, spelling it out for him.

"Oh, right," Merlin nodded, kicking off his boots and steeping out of the pile of clothes at his feet. He left the support of the bed post seeking instead the comfort of Arthur's feather bed. He sat down, leaning back on his elbows so that he could still see Arthur around the bed post.

Arthur dipped his hand in the water again, this time submerging it entirely before returning to Merlin, his fingertips dripping with every step.

"You or me?" Arthur asked when he got to the edge of the bed, coming to a standstill between Merlin's legs.

"Beg your pardon?" Merlin asked, completely distracted.

"Who is it to be, you or me?" Arthur asked again, holding his hand up, drawing attention to his wet fingers.

Merlin didn't know what to say at first. He wasn't exactly a blushing virgin but he was fairly sure he could feel the heat rising in cheeks and well, he had never done anything like this before, not with another man. In all the thoughts he swore he didn't have and the dreams he denied having in the morning, even though his sheets would always know the truth, it was him, with Arthur in the position of power. It just seemed fitting, right that way.

"Me," Merlin answered, knowing he had served Arthur in every other way; he wanted this to be the same.

Arthur nodded and placed his hands on Merlin's knees, pushing them up and back until Merlin could feel the muscles in the backs of his thighs start to burn.

"Stay," Arthur told him, glancing at his nearly dry hand. "Had I known you were going to dither for so long, I would have dragged the bath closer."

“Had I had any inkling that all I had to do was ask, I would have been more prepared,” Merlin said before realising the double meaning of his words. He didn’t clarify what he had really meant, it was worth it just to see Arthur stop dead in his tracks and look back at him, caught somewhere between disbelief and imagining it.

Arthur blinked, recovering himself and turning back towards the water, trailing his hand through it again. It had lost its initial heat and turned pleasantly warm by now. When he returned to Merlin, it was cold but this time, Arthur didn’t hesitate.

Merlin breathed in, expecting a sharp intrusion. Every time he'd done this by himself, it had been quick and desperate, with dry fingers and fuelled by an intense need to come before his conscience told him that he shouldn't be pretending that the fingers buried inside him were Arthur's and that the fist around his cock was Arthur's too.

But Arthur's touch was gentle, his fingers slicked with the water, dripping down his hand and over his wrist, as he angled his fingers, pressing one in so slowly that Merlin though time had stopped, a reaction to his unnatural presence within it. But then Arthur was bearing down on him, his forehead pressing into collarbone, kissing up as far as he could reach while still keeping his arm caught between them.

"You've not done this before, been with another man, I mean?" Arthur's breath caught, his own words, the very idea alone sending pulses to his cock.

"There's never been..." _anyone that compared to you_ Merlin's mind finished but his mouth dissolved the words into moans as Arthur changed the angle of his finger, hitting the sweet spot that made Merlin's hips buck up independently of him.

"That's what I thought," Arthur nodded against Merlin's neck, bringing his hand up from where it had been resting on the mattress supporting him to Merlin's chest, his nails running over pale skin until it was scattered with pink lines. "What about by yourself?"

Merlin made a few incoherent noises, one of them meant to be a _yes_ but Arthur's nails were running over one nipple, while he mouthed at the other one, hot breath teasing it and his teeth nipping it, so he just nodded helplessly, hoping that Arthur would see it.

"Yeah, me too." Arthur pulled himself up and Merlin nearly followed, until Arthur's hand, flat on his chest stopped him from rising. "Tell me about it."

Merlin took in a breath, trying to remember what letters made what sounds and drowning out everything else.

"You," he started and paused while Arthur looked pleased with himself. "I would pretend it was you, fuck, Arthur," Merlin said as Arthur pulled his finger free and left Merlin empty.

Arthur smiled again, still entirely too pleased with himself. He brought his other hand up to his mouth, stopping just before touching his lips. "Keep talking."

"I'd never tell you, of course," Merlin started again, speech a lot easier without the physical distraction but still stilted from the visual distraction of Arthur taking his fingers into his mouth. "But you'd drive me crazy, all day.”

Merlin's eyes caught a flicker of movement and followed it, watching transfixed as Arthur pulled his cock free, his other hand gliding over it, smooth as water, the spell broken again when Arthur removed his fingers from his mouth, rolling his eyes in exasperation.

"Normally I can't get you to shut up, the one occasion I encourage you to run your mouth..."

"Sorry, yes, you'd be training or hunting or we'd be getting ready for..." Merlin cut himself of, had they even been in a battle yet? He couldn't remember. "A tournament. And I'd dress you, watch you, undress you again and fuck!"

Merlin bit down on his lip, hard. Arthur's fingers, two now, pushed inside him, egged on by his words. But the pace was slow and calculated, opening him up more than pleasuring.

"And you'd be covered in mud and sweat," Merlin continued, adjusting to the change. "And I'd have to bathe you, tend to your bruises maybe and that would just make it worse but you wouldn't let me go. So, I'd be hard and wanting and serving you still,"

Arthur's fingers twisted inside of him, separating and twisting again as Arthur's own face flushed and his hand stilled, for fear that Merlin's words would finish him.

"I'd serve you, doing all the stupid little unnecessary things you wanted me to do and wishing I could do more. When you'd finally let me go, I'd take all those thoughts back to my room and let them run wild, oh god, and I'd help them along, replacing thoughts with my fingers, doing what I couldn't ask you to do."

Arthur pulled him hand away again, tearing himself away from Merlin and almost running the few steps to the bath water. He grabbed a handful of water, despite almost all of it slipping instantly through his fingers and brought his hand to his cock, mixing water and pre-come and soaking the front of his breeches at the same time. He should have taken them off, he knew he should but that would take too long and he needed to be inside Merlin that instant, sooner. He took the few steps back to Merlin, his hand still wetting his cock as much as he could. When he reached him, he placed himself between Merlin's knees, his own coming up to kneel on the mattress. He took Merlin's legs in his hands, hooking them around his hips, taking some of the pressure off him.

"Shall I tell you mine?" Arthur asked, lining himself up with Merlin's hole and not waiting for an answer. "All those papers and reports, I never read a single one, I'm too busy watching you." He started pushing inside and Merlin winced against the burn, still too tight to take him easily. Arthur reached between them and grasped Merlin's cock, his touch light but enough to take the edge off.

"I'd be watching you," Arthur started again, using words to distract Merlin a little bit more. "On your hands and knees on the floor, doing whatever I asked of you. In the yard, I'll call drills from memory and watch you trying not to watch me. You catch me sometimes and blush, thinking I've caught you instead."

Arthur glanced down, unable to push any further, stilling his hips to let Merlin acclimatise.

"Then have you strip me, bathe me, blush again when you forget yourself and let your eyes roam, taking in how hard I am for you and ignoring it, blaming it on adrenaline or the pleasure of winning, I imagine."

Merlin nodded, pushing his hips up and silently asking for more, using all his restraint not to just throw his whole body at Arthur just to get more. Arthur obliged him and began pulling back, faster than he'd sunk in.

"But it's not. It's having you tend to me like you are planning to bed me, taking off everything so slowly, leaving me to wonder if you really are incompetent or if it's a seduction, subtly hidden behind duty."

When he could feel Merlin's rim against the head of his cock, he snapped his hips forward again, thrusting shallowly to keep himself in control.

"Then when I can't take it anymore and nothing happens, no matter how obviously I offer myself up, I send you away and turn to myself for relief, thinking about you doing the same," he squeezed Merlin's cock gently, stroking it harder to emphasise his point, showing him exactly what he would do to himself, what he’d imagine Merlin doing. "And I’ll spill my seed all over these very sheets, knowing in the morning you'd change them, hoping you'd work it out."

Merlin bucked his hips up again, the memories Arthur was referring to coming back to him. The memories of how sometimes, those sheets wouldn't make it straight to the laundry women.

"Arthur..." Merlin moaned, the name dropping from his lips like it did every time but this time, it had an echo.

"Merlin..." Arthur said back to him, deep and guttural and changing the way it sounded, making it seem somehow dirtier than his own name had any right to sound.

Merlin's back rose off the mattress, arching up to meet Arthur. Arthur let go of his cock, standing back on the floor and taking him by the hips, dragging him closer, pulling him almost off the bed. Merlin's hands clung to the sheets, dragging them with him in a futile effort to stay grounded. Each movement hit deeper, jarring Merlin to the bone and bringing sparks with it. He could feel Arthur's fingertips pressing into his hips, nails leaving dents and then scratches as they moved down, over his arse and down his thighs, pulling him closer, driving himself deeper until he became erratic, his thrusts coming faster than Merlin could keep up with, losing himself in them and the sound of Arthur's strangled cries, the feel of him spilling hot inside him, still trying to hit the spot inside Merlin throughout and rarely missing.

One of Arthur's knees gave out and he pitched forward, his hands falling from Merlin's legs, one reaching out to break his fall while the other returned to Merlin's cock, fisting it hard and fast, desperate to get Merlin to come before he was completely spent himself. His wish was granted as he twisted his wrist, using his own techniques on Merlin and reaping the rewards as come dripped over his fist, the most of it hitting his own chest and Merlin's, mixing as Arthur pressed them together, taking Merlin's mouth in a kiss, claiming him as best he could, hoping to reassure him that this wasn't just a fuck or some fantasy made real and then forgotten. He was Arthur's now. There would be no more denying it or hiding it. He knew now.

-x-

“Merlin.”

Merlin rolled over in his sleep, vaguely aware that he might have hit Arthur in the process and perhaps that’s why he was having his name shouted at him. After all, he wasn’t exactly accustomed to sharing someone else’s bed.

“Merlin.”

He rolled back over, burying his face in one of Arthur’s feather pillows and complaining into it. It took him a second to realise it wasn’t Arthur trying to wake him. It was Kilgharrah.

“Merlin.”

He pushed himself up on his hands, stumbling out of bed before he realised what he was doing. He shook his head, blocking the voice out. If Kilgharrah was about to tell him he shouldn’t be here, he already knew that. If he was going to tell him that he’d ruined their destiny and changed everything, well, he knew that too. And if it was anything else, that was a problem for the Merlin that would be back come daylight. To his surprise, it worked. The dragon’s voice in his head ceased and he was left alone, half asleep and staring hopelessly at the bed he’d just left.

It was dark now; hours and hours must have passed since he’d fallen asleep in Arthur’s arms. He felt a pang of guilt over leaving Amy for so long and then another one, sharper and stronger, when he gazed over Arthur’s sleeping form. He hated leaving him like this, creeping away in the middle of the night without saying a word but what else could he do?

He wandered over to Arthur’s desk, picking up his clothes as he went. He slipped the shirt over his head and pulled the underwear back on. The fire had long gone out and the cold bath water was still there, almost untouched. But he wasn’t cold, he wasn’t anything really, except determined to leave Arthur with something to explain what had happened, what he should do. Even if it was all lies. It was his last chance to fix the future, their destinies.

He grabbed a quill and some ink, writing on the nearest clean piece of paper.

_Arthur –_

_I think it’s for the best, for the future of the kingdom, if we forget about what happened. Nothing can ever come of it, it’s your duty to become King and take a Queen and for me to serve you. That’s all that we can be._

_While I do love you, and I’m glad you know now, I think, I would appreciate it if the events of the last day or so were not mentioned ever again, not even to me. I hope you understand._

_Yours, Merlin._

Merlin read it back and then frowned, crossing out the _yours_. That was supposed to be the whole point. He couldn’t be Arthur’s. Even though he had been from the moment they’d met, in some way or other.

He left the note on the pillow he’d abandoned and hated himself a little for doing it. But it was better than leaving him there with nothing at all. And he couldn’t let Arthur go on thinking that everything was fine and dandy. After all, he couldn’t remember Arthur ever acknowledging their feelings or acting on them again, so he knew he was doing the right thing. Arthur would marry Gwen and be happy and he would be happy that Arthur was happy.

Merlin hesitated as he leaned over the bed before he finally gave into his heart one last time and pressing a gentle goodbye kiss to Arthur’s forehead. He wanted to wake him, to tell him he didn’t mean what he’d written and that first thing in the morning Arthur should hunt the Merlin that belonged to this time down and no matter what he might say, not stop kissing him until he gave in, the future be fucked.

But he’d already done that earlier, he’d risked it all and to the best of his knowledge gotten away with it, just. Nothing in his past had changed or disappeared, every memory had stayed the same. He couldn’t push his luck again. He straightened up, dragging the heels of his palms over his eyes and rubbing them dry. He used to be so much better at keeping a handle on all this, he was sure.

He said goodbye again, in his head, collecting every detail of him, just like he had done in the forest. He made his way to the door, putting the rest of his clothes on as silently as he could before leaving, resolute not to look back.

The night was freezing, bitterly cold, even in the corridors but it was oddly fitting really. He took a few steps out of his way, leaning against Uther’s chamber doors and stepping inside. It also wouldn’t do to leave this phone of Amy’s lying around 7th century Camelot. He didn’t know exactly what he was looking for but it wasn’t difficult to find the out of place object in the room. He grabbed it and ran back to the door, in his experience he was more likely to be caught now that he’d incriminated himself and he didn’t want to be in the cells when the rightful Merlin returned in a few hours.

Getting passed the guards was easy; he slammed their heads effortlessly together from the top of the staircase. He’d usually be more careful but he already had two alibis. Arthur would think he’d spent most of the night in his bed and while he wouldn’t tell anyone that, he wouldn’t accuse Merlin either. And if anyone else did, Gaius would swear Merlin had been with him all week. Just as long as nobody asked them both at the same time, it would all work out.

“Where the hell have you been?” Amy asked, sitting up on her bed. Merlin guessed that at some point while waiting, she’d fallen asleep. Not that he could say anything, he’d done the same.

“I’m sorry, something came up,” Merlin said, pressing his palm to the lock and springing it open.

Amy looked him up and down as she passed him getting out of the cell. “Yeah, it sure looks like it. Bet you’re glad you came now, though.”

Merlin looked down at himself, realising his shirt was on backwards, his boots were still undone and he’d forgotten to lace his trousers back up. He hoped she couldn’t see him blush violently in the near darkness.

“I didn’t do anything. I didn’t change the future. I fixed it, I think,” Merlin said, not sounding so sure now that he had to actually defend his actions out loud.

“Mmm-hmm,” Amy said, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow. She didn’t believe him for one second.

“All I meant to do was draw him a bath,” Merlin gave in and Amy smiled, reaching out to mess up his hair even more than it already was.

“Oh, you poor, sweet, naive little lamb,” she smiled and Merlin flushed again. “Come on, loverboy, let’s get going before The Sword in the Stone becomes a bad porno.”

He followed Amy, belatedly trying to do up his trousers while she had her back to him. He left his shirt as it was, deciding it wasn’t worth the trouble. As they passed one of the unconscious guards, Merlin pulled his cloak off him and handed it to Amy. It was cold out and all she had on was a shift and a bodice, she’d freeze without something to keep her warm.

“Thanks,” Amy said, wrapping it around her shoulders.

When they got outside, she still shivered and Merlin considered going back into the main chambers and stealing one of Morgan’s fur-lined cloaks. But he knew he couldn’t trust himself to walk past Arthur’s door. He just wouldn’t be able to keep walking.

“Come on then,” Amy prompted him. “Before I catch my death. And between you and me, the threat of hanging was close enough as it is.”

“Wait a moment,” Merlin said, the singular lighted window catching his attention. “That’s Arthur’s window.”

“Do you think he’s in trouble?” Amy asked, her instinct to save people first and worry about running for her life later kicking in. “I think I can see someone in the window.”

“No, no,” Merlin shook his head, coming to a sad realisation. “He’s probably just found...I left him a note, just to be sure.”

“Ok,” Amy said, not pressing him any further.

Merlin could almost see him, standing at the window letter in hand, wondering how he'd had the nerve to be the one to leave. He'd probably get it in the neck when he returned in the morning, not having a clue what had happened between them and convinced that nothing ever would. But he was sure that Arthur wouldn't say anything about it and that was the important part, after everything he'd risked and all the selfish instances of giving in, he'd managed not to ruin Arthur's future, Camelot's future.

Merlin turned away, putting his back to the window and taking the first few steps over the drawbridge. "Let's go. Before he comes storming out and has a tantrum in the middle of the courtyard," Merlin joked, partly to distract himself from the reality of the situation. He was leaving. This was it. Until Arthur returned. If Arthur returned, that was.

The woods and the path were pitch black and Merlin wondered just how long he'd left Amy lingering in her cell, another pang of guilt washing over him. She'd been the one who offered him this chance at a goodbye and he'd fucked it all up for her, leaving her in the woods, leaving her to be imprisoned and then leaving her waiting for her promised rescue half the night. He could only imagine the trouble she would have gotten into if he had changed history. He suspected she regretted ever meeting him.

"Thank you," Merlin said suddenly into the darkness behind him, feeling the need to make amends for his actions. "And I am sorry, I didn't mean for you to get involved."

"Hey, I got to see a living legend, Camelot, Knights of the Round Table, King Arthur and well, and you. I've gone through worse for less," Amy assured him. "Why didn't you tell me though, when I was telling you your own story, you could have said? It wouldn't have changed anything."

"I wanted to hear it," Merlin answered. "A dragon once told me that Arthur's story would live long in the hearts of men. I didn't believe it had. But then I didn't want to hear the stories of men, I didn't want to move on with them."

"I can understand that. My first break up, I stayed indoors for most of the summer, eating nothing but Mars Bars and Angel Delight. You think if you move on, you'll forget, right?"

"Yes," Merlin considered, he'd never really put a light on why he had done what he did. Several logical reasons for it seemed to rise to the surface now that he was so far removed from that time, that place. "Or perhaps if I moved on, I would be betraying him."

"Yeah, I've done that one too. Tried to take chunks out of several therapists because I didn't want to give up hope on my Doctor. Like if I admitted he wasn't real, I would be disappointing him, y'know?"

"Besides, I have to be there for when he comes back," Merlin said. "He needs me, there's nobody else left. Just me."

"I wish we had a way of knowing when that would be," Amy mused. "If we could, we'd take you there instead, skip all the waiting." Amy paused, trying to remember any mention of Arthur in the future and coming up blank. "If I ever do hear anything, I'll come back for you, I promise."

"It's a nice thought," Merlin said, knowing that he could never leave him, not again. "But I think I'd rather take the long way round. It's kind of like penance. For failing him."

"I know what happened, Merlin, and if it's anything like the legend says, you didn't fail him. It was a battle wound, right? There would have been nothing you could do."

"It was a prophecy. I knew it would happen. I could have acted sooner. I could have told him everything," Merlin sighed, he'd been through this so many times in his head, all the things he should have done and it only made him feel like he'd failed Arthur even more.

"Nobody can know their own fate, trust me, I've been around that block a few times now. I believe the term The Doctor uses is _spoilers_. You can't skip ahead to the last page of the book, it will ruin the story for you every time and you'll wish you hadn't done it."

"Isn't travelling to the future skipping ahead?" Merlin asked, deflecting the subject.

"Nah, that's picking up another book entirely. Not all of us are going to live forever.” She gave Merlin’s back a playful shove, smiling to lighten the mood.

"I don't think I'll live forever," Merlin said, although he'd never really given it much thought. "I think once I've helped Arthur fulfil his destiny, I'll become normal again. At least I hope so."

Merlin thought about it, the idea of being infinite, of continuing on after Arthur, knowing that their destiny was done. It sounded like the worst thing in the world. He'd much rather be finite, like Arthur and Gwen and Gaius and Morgana, even Kilgharrah said he wouldn't live forever. Finality seemed good enough for everyone else.

Amy reached out to his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Why don't you tell me the story of King Arthur and Camelot? The real version."

Merlin smiled into the darkness, wondering where he should begin.

-x-

By the time they got back to the TARDIS, Amy had heard it all. From Nimueh to Morgause, from unicorns to dragons, from swords in stone to the crystal cave. He'd covered every knight that he thought she would have heard of; Gwaine, Percival, Elyan, Lancelot, even Mordred. He told her Leon's story even though she seemed not to know him. He told her about Gwen and Morgana and how far from their roots they had both ended up. He told her the more interesting of Arthur's quests and the most amusing failures. He even told her how it all ended, even though it brought a lump to his throat and tears to her eyes. And it still wasn't half of their whole story.

When she brought him to the blue doors, he felt something almost akin to closure. He didn't know whether it was the time he'd spent back there or actually telling his story, even to someone who had known it anyway.

Amy stepped into the TARDIS ahead of him and from over her shoulder he saw The Doctor get up from where he was sitting on one of the chairs and rush towards them.

"We were getting worried, Pond," The Doctor said. "I was going to send out Rory as bait, see if anything had captured you. But then I figured if you were captured and Rory got captured, I'd end up having to rescue you both and I hadn't finished my book yet."

"So, what you're saying is you weren't worried." Amy said, rolling her eyes. "Did you even notice how long I'd been gone?"

"I did," Rory said from the sidelines, as if wanting to reassure her but not wanting to get in the middle of the beginnings of what could be a fight. Merlin knew that predicament well.

"It was a _very_ good book. In fact, I wholeheartedly recommend it to you both," The Doctor held up the book and both of them scanned its title.

_Historia Regum Britanniae_

"What?" Amy said, the old words lost on her.

"A History of British Kings," Merlin translated for her. "By Geoffrey of Monmouth... I always wondered what he was writing every time I saw him."

"So, he was there?" The Doctor said, the slight sarcasm melting away in excitement. "I never bought that _oh, I found an ancient book_ lark, nobody's that into translating. I wonder who picked him up and moved him. Hmm. Might have been me. Or it could be me and I just haven't done it yet. You never know. Anyway," The Doctor pulled another book from inside his jacket, handing it to Merlin. "I found this one too."

"Vita Merlini... did you write an autobiography then?" Amy asked, surprised.

"Geoffrey again," The Doctor corrected. "But it's his life story, or supposedly it is. The thing is, I was just lying about, minding my own business, when something shifted. Now I know you weren't gone that long but you didn't happen to step on any butterflies or slay any dragons did you? Because I had that problem with my mate George, I couldn't take him anywhere."

"Not exactly," Amy started, stepping in front of Merlin so that she could explain everything. "There might have been a teensy weensy slight... incident. But nothing that Merlin here didn't fix. Right, Merlin?"

"I don’t feel any different," Merlin agreed.

"What did you do?" The Doctor asked, exasperated.

"Slept with King Arthur," Amy said candidly before looking back to Merlin. "Sorry but he has to know, just in case."

"Oh, Amy, I can't take you anywhere either!" The Doctor brought his palm up to his forehead, hitting it several times. "I told you not to flirt!"

"Oi!" Amy shouted, mad at the insinuation. "Not me, you idiot, him."

She nodded her head back towards Merlin who had turned an alarming shade of red and was paying great attention to the floor beneath his feet, wishing it would disappear and throw him to a death much less painful than this moment was.

"What? Oh. Oh! Well, that's not in the books," The Doctor said, throwing the book over his shoulder.

"I already made that joke with the Disney film," Amy told him, smiling to herself.

"Well, at least we know that history didn't seem to notice your little.... dalliance into the past. But just to be on the safe side..." The Doctor picked up the book he'd thrown and opened it randomly.

"Arthur Pendragon. Check. Ok. Born circa 506 to Uther Pendragon and Ygraine Du Bios. Crowned prince at age 21, circa 527. Inherited the throne at age 28, circa 534. Died aged 31 after sustaining a mortal wound at the hands of Mordred at the battle of Camlann, circa 537. All good so far?" The Doctor asked, despite the fact that Merlin was staring at him dumbfounded.

"We didn't really _do_ dates. The ages sound about right though," Merlin nodded.

"Close enough then. Right, married Guinevere?"

"Yes."

"Who had an affair with Lancelot?"

"Sort of, I guess."

"Close enough. Relationships are strange things. Don't see why you all bother to be honest but there you go."

"So I haven't changed history?" Merlin asked, confused.

"It would appear not. At least there's no mention of anything... unusual. As far as history is concerned, Arthur was king, you were a sorcerer, together you built a kingdom and brought an admittedly brief peace to the land," The Doctor shrugged. "Must have just been me that felt it. It's a Timelord thing. Probably. Sounds about right."

"See, I told you everything was fine," Amy said although she still breathed a sigh of relief.

"Let's be going then. Just in case it changes its mind," The Doctor turned on his heel and started walking back up to the central controls.

Merlin stayed where he was, trying to process the last few minutes. The idea that Geoffrey had written them all down, committing them to legend. The fact that he was still holding the story of his own life in his hands. The bittersweet feeling that despite everything, nothing had changed.

"You wanted it to have changed something, didn't you?" Amy asked, noticing something in Merlin's face. “Just a little bit?”

"I know it's selfish, they were my friends, Arthur and Gwen, and they were happy. I want him to have been happy, it's just..."

"You wish it was with you instead," Amy nodded, taking his arm and leading him away from the doors.

"Does that make me a bad person?" Merlin asked.

"It makes you human," Amy smiled. "Maybe if one of you had said something at the time, it would have been different. He did care about you though, I could tell."

"I know," Merlin agreed and he knew it was true, even as friends. His attention was distracted away from Amy for a second as the TARDIS started up, the movement of the central control and the sound almost hypnotizing.

Flickers of moments passed through his mind, seemingly independent of his own mind. Images of Arthur and him, the moments where he'd wondered _if he'd just said something, would things have been different?_ It made his head hurt just to think about them.

Amy glanced at him and gave him a little nudge. "Are you alright?"

The moments started to blur together, turning into things that he couldn't remember thinking or feeling or saying or doing. But they felt right.

"You don't look so good."

_I love you, Merlin.... there I said it._

"Doctor!"

-x-

Merlin could feel the ship still beneath him but he couldn't open his eyes or move, it was like he was trapped, his mind awake while his body slept. Then images started to move behind his eyes, his memories, his friends.

Gwen, chatter about why she still hadn't given Arthur an heir? Was there something wrong with her? Was there something wrong with their king? Were the rumours true? Was it a loveless marriage, one for appearances sake?

The images shifted again, leaving Merlin's head spinning.

Gwen and Lancelot, Arthur discovering them. But he wasn't angry, betrayed, hurt, like Merlin remembered, he understood, he let her go.

They changed again, turning a completely different corner into territory that Merlin couldn't remember happening. In fact, he was sure it was never like that.

Morgana sat on the throne, Arthur beside her looking decidedly anxious. Long live the Queen!

Merlin tried to close his eyes, to block it out but the images were inside his head, there was no escaping them.

Camlann. Arthur. Mordred. No look of recognition. No hate or regret. Just two men on a battle field, fighting for their sides.

Merlin was tipped back into his own memories again, the ones he remembered.

No, you are not saying goodbye.  
No, Merlin... _thank you_.

His vision cleared and his head cleared with it, leaving tears running from the corners of his eyes, not entirely sure if they were from the stark emotional brutality of having his memories forced on him or from the way his head was pounding. He must have hit it on the floor; he thought dimly staring up at a ceiling he could have sworn wasn't there. It just seemed to go up and up, forever.

Bigger on the inside. The Doctor. Amy. The physician's assistant. The blue box. Arthur.

"What happened?" Merlin asked, trying to focus on the faces looking down at him.

"I don't know, you just sort of hit the deck," Amy shrugged, her face concerned even if her voice was trying to hide it.

"She means you collapsed" Rory explained, pressing the back of his hand to Merlin's forehead, his nursing instincts kicking in for a second time. "How are you feeling?"

"My head feels like it's had a night in the tavern with Gwaine," Merlin said absently, trying to sit up and being pushed back down by Rory.

"That happened earlier, when he changed. Is it a magic thing?" Amy asked, looking over at The Doctor.

"I wouldn't know, he's the first person with actual genuine magic I've met. To the best of my knowledge at least, there were a few..."

"Doctor!" Amy cut him off. "Is he going to be ok?"

"Can't you get the TARDIS to run a scan or something?" Rory asked.

"I did try, Ponds, but he's interfering with it. It might be the magic, it might be something else, I just don't know," The Doctor sighed, usually loving the unknown but resenting it now because it was possibly endangering a life.

"I can hear you," Merlin said, still struggling against Rory's expert restraining. "And I'm fine. I've just got a headache. It's been a long day."

"I know it has," Amy said, shaking her head and putting her hand on his chest, in part to reassure him but also to pre-emptively help Rory keep him down should he try to bolt. "I was there."

"You should rest then," Rory suggested, using the hospital's favourite synonym for _don't be alarmed if we sedate you and keep you in under observation_.

"I can rest at home," Merlin said adamantly, like most patients did. "Take me back. I just need to sleep, I'll be fine."

"Does this happen to you a lot?" The Doctor asked, not sure what he wanted the answer to be. A yes would indicate an underlying problem, deterioration of his human body, unable to cope with the years. A no would point to something specific to today, something he'd missed. Or it could be nothing. A lack of sleep, dehydration, the flu. All manner of things.

"I think you should stay," The Doctor decided. "Just for a little while. Just in case."

The TARDIS came to a halt and they all tried not to look at the doors. Tried not to give away the easy way out. But one of them must have cracked because his eyes drifted sideways, to the doors.

"You can't keep me here," Merlin pointed out, not wanting to resort to threats. "I'm thankful for what you gave me, even if I abused it but I can't leave him. I can't risk him waking up without me there."

"I know what you think this is, your penance, but it's not worth risking your life over," Amy said, angry at herself for letting him indulge his idea of redemption, for not fighting him over it.

"And what if it's about the other thing I said? About a normal life? What if this is it?" Merlin took hold of her wrist, removing it from his chest and getting up, leaving her stunned and speechless because... what if he was right? She couldn't hold him back from that.

"Amy, he needs..." Rory started but Amy turned to glare at him, silencing him.

"Let him go," she snapped, fighting to keep herself together and wondering when she'd become so invested in the fate of a little lost boy, old beyond his years and still so young, so untouched by the world. "Let him go."

Merlin took a step backwards, towards the door. He didn't want to run without saying something but he didn't want to wait to see if they'd change their minds either.

"Thank you," he said at last, glancing from The Doctor to Rory and then holding Amy's gaze as she stood. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it," she said with a weak smile and a shaky laugh before wrapping her arms around him in a hug, leaning into whisper. "You tell him, ok? When he comes back, you tell him everything."

She pulled away and hastily wiped her eyes. He wanted to say he would but somewhere in the back of his mind a thought lingered, the fact nothing had changed. He'd married Gwen. Things hadn't been perfect perhaps, he thought, remembering the images in his head, but he had married her. If declaring his feelings at the time hadn't been enough for Arthur then... what good would dragging them up again when he returned do?

But he nodded for Amy's sake. And she nodded back. He was free to go.

He turned and pulled the doors open. More shocked to see himself back where he had started than he had been upon going back to Camelot. It was like he'd never left.

And yet it was different, it was less cold, less miserable. The sky seemed bluer and the grass seemed greener. The trees whispered again. And when he stepped on the ground, he could feel it humming. Magic again.

He considered turning back, asking what had changed and then he realised it. He had changed. Just a little bit. Just enough. He had hope again. That Albion would always need its king and even if it didn't, he would need him. And he would return. Even if it was another thousand years away, even if it was tomorrow. Because he would always be waiting.

The TARDIS started up and Merlin had the good sense to back away from it, watching as it faded from view until his vision blurred and his head hurt.

Merlin squinted, it had gone. And yet, his head, his head was killing him.

He closed his eyes, falling to his knees. It was worse than last time, he was caught in between, the green and blue fading into visions of Arthur, like for one shining moment, he was there. And then nothing.

-x-

_1465 years previously..._

Arthur rolled over, expecting the warm body of his servant, his friend, hell, as of last night his lover, and finding himself alone instead.

"Merlin?" Arthur called out into the darkness, his hand brushing over paper.

He picked it up, bringing it to his eyes and squinting at it. He could make out dark ink against the paler background but nothing else. He considered leaving it, disregarding it until morning light and going back to sleep. But something niggled at him, something in the way the empty side of his bed was still warm. He got up, finding a shirt not far from his bed and pulling it on. His first instinct was to call Merlin to light a candle but he quelled it, knowing that if Merlin had been there, he would still be in bed. Instead he took the paper over to the window, reading it in the light of the moon.

He read it once through and then pulled a face, deciding to read it again just in case he'd missed something. Like why the hell he was running back into denial after _everything_ they'd done and said, things that Arthur had said to no-one before, things he didn't even know if he could take back in a hurry as Merlin seemed to be doing.

Arthur rolled his eyes and set the letter aside. He'd make a point of making sure Merlin knew what he thought of it in the morning.

-x-

Merlin stumbled into his room. It had been a rough week; he never wanted to see another sick person or step foot outside the castle again. He walked to his bed, collapsing on it and burying his face in his pillow. His poor excuse for a bed had rarely felt so good. He turned his head again, taking in the mess that was his room. It was always a mess, he knew, but he could swear it was _different_. Clothes on the floor, his drawers pulled out and... did he even own a green shirt?

"Merlin!" Gaius called to him.

"If it's Arthur, tell him I'm dead," Merlin shouted back.

"He's outside your door," Gaius informed him, shrugging at Arthur who was indeed outside Merlin's door.

Merlin got up, dragging himself back to his door and opening it. "Whatever it is, can't it wait?"

"No," Arthur said, his tone sharper than Merlin would have expected. He hadn't been anywhere near him in a week and yet he'd still somehow managed to piss him off. "We need to talk. My chambers."

He started walking and Merlin stayed where he was, looking to Gaius for answers.

"Now!" Arthur shouted back at him and Merlin reluctantly started walking.

Arthur was silent as stone on the way back to his chambers, no matter what small talk Merlin tried. Eventually he gave up and followed in silence, his mind wandering like it had an alarmingly frequent tendency to do of late. It had been a week since he'd last seen Arthur. A great respite from him, in fact but that didn't mean that he could just turn off all the thoughts his mind seemed intent on having while in Arthur's presence. If he could turn it off, he would. In an instant.

"Sire?" He tried again as they stepped through Arthur's doors.

The second the door was closed, he found himself pressed against it, Arthur grabbing the scruff of his jacket and holding him still. He briefly wondered if his tiredness was causing him to start hallucinating as well as fantasising.

"I got your note," Arthur said, leaning close, keeping him trapped.

"Note?" Merlin asked confused for a second before remembering the short note he'd dashed to say he'd be back on the morrow. "Oh, that note. What about it?"

"You know what," Arthur said, terribly close now. Closer than he would usually be. Unless he was about to get belted one.

"Not sure I do," Merlin shrugged, trying ineffectively to wriggle away from Arthur's grasp.

"Yes, you do," Arthur sighed and let him go. "I'm not dancing around this anymore, Merlin, I've had enough."

"Are you firing me?" Merlin asked, not sure what else to make of the situation.

"What? No," Arthur looked at him like he'd sprouted wings. "I'm not firing you. I'm telling you I..." he paused not quite able to say what he wanted to. "I'm saying I want us to be together. Or at least try."

"What?" Merlin asked, dumbfounded.

"What's the worst that could happen? It doesn't work out. It's got to be better than your way," Arthur held up the note and started walking towards the fire.

"What's my way? I don't even have a way. I don't know..." Merlin trailed off as Arthur dropped the paper into fire. "What was that for?"

"I'm not doing it. I don't care what you say. Last night I realised we can do this. It'll be hard but it would be harder not to. I know you weren't gone long but... it was long enough, alright?" Arthur went back to him, stopping just short of pinning him to the door again.

"Arthur, I don't..." Merlin started, wondering what insanity a week of looking after himself had done to Arthur but he was cut off by the last thing he expected. A kiss. Arthur was kissing him. And then he wasn't again.

"I meant what I said," Arthur said, leaving Merlin's mind to try to catch up and failing miserably. "I like you, Merlin, and you like me."

"I..." Merlin started again, sure that he should be denying it. Or at least trying to.

"Alright, you love me, I get it, I do and it'll be hard, I know. We can't tell the court. We can't tell anyone but... I'll know and you'll know and that is good enough for me."

Merlin stared at him. Waiting for the laughter. Arthur had somehow found about his cumbersome little crush and was mocking it. But he looked so sincere. Painfully sincere.

"Please," Arthur asked, not accustomed to having to plead for anything.

"Your father would have my head off," Merlin said, without really thinking.

"He'd have to come through me first," Arthur promised, a small smile creeping onto his lips. "And he won't ever know. Just you and me. That's it."

Merlin didn't remember agreeing exactly but he found himself moving forward, into Arthur's body. What harm could it do? He thought to himself. It wasn't likely to last anyway, he was heir to the throne and well, he was Arthur. He changed his socks less often than he changed his mind. But he moved closer anyway, ignoring reason for just a moment and kissing him. And he couldn't explain how he knew but it felt right, like it was meant to be.

-x-

Over time, Gwen and Morgana put the pieces together and worked out what was going on. Somehow Merlin and Arthur’s secret had brought them all together. Merlin suspected it was the intrinsic need for trust. Arthur trusted them all with his position in court, his reputation, his inheritance of the throne should his father ever find out. Merlin trusted them with everything, from his continued relationship with Arthur to his continued breathing as he suspected he’d lose at least his position in the royal household, if not his head, if they were ever discovered.

Morgana helped them whenever she could, feigning riding and hunting trips that she needed Arthur’s, and by proxy Merlin’s, protection for and then visiting the outlying villages while her protectors lost themselves in the woods. She often made excuses for Arthur when he missed court, was late for dinner or left dinner in a rush, nearly chasing Merlin out as he did so. Even once she ended up telling the most ridiculous lies to a visiting princess who became enamoured with Arthur.

Gwen was even more help, keeping the other servants away from any of Merlin’s jobs, publically accepting tokens of Arthur’s affection, discreetly slipping them to Merlin when she had the chance. Then exaggerating the relationship she had with Arthur amongst the maids until the whole of Camelot was aware he was having an affair with a servant, they just had the wrong servant. They even tried to set up an official betrothal but Uther wouldn’t hear of it. He had been betrothed to Morgana since before he’d come of age and there was no way he’d see his son marry a serving girl. Arthur took it hardest, knowing that if that was how his father reacted to the idea of him marrying Gwen, a serving girl, then he’d never be able to confess what was truly in his heart, that he had fallen for his own manservant.

When Morgana found out about her true parentage everything changed. Uther refused to acknowledge her, refused her any rights of inheritance. Merlin and Arthur had tried to talk her down, assuring her that when Arthur took the throne, he would acknowledge her officially and make sure she got what rightfully belonged to her. He would even marry her and make her Queen. But it wasn’t enough for her, she went to the sorceress Morgause, her sister and she was lost to them. All because of what people might think if they knew.

It was after that that Arthur realised that it didn’t matter what his father thought, it didn’t matter what anyone thought. He would still have to keep his secrets, of course, for the sake of the kingdom but he wouldn’t let it control him anymore.

-x-

"Gwen, what's going on?" Merlin asked, reaching up to try and pull off the blindfold that Gwen had somehow talked him into putting on a few yards back. She slapped away his hand and nudged him towards her door.

She'd told him that they were going to be having dinner; the three of them, her, Arthur and Merlin but that had been a lie. She closed the door behind him, staying on the outside. Arthur had told her to go back to the castle, stay in his quarters tonight but she couldn't help but linger at her window for while, just to make sure it all went gone to plan.

Merlin pulled at the blindfold, finally free to see. He blinked at what he saw, not quite believing it. Surrounding him were dozens of candles, more than he could count. There were two places set at Gwen's table but Arthur was sat at neither of them. Instead he was standing, waiting nervously for some sign that he was making the right move.

"Arthur..." Merlin started, the quietness and stillness of the room making him nervous as well.

"Is it too much?" Arthur asked, glancing around. "It was Gwen's idea. I mean, it wasn't, it was _my idea_ but she did all the candles and the wine and well, and dinner but I couldn't get you to do it so... I had to ask her. If you don't like it I can light a proper lamp?" Arthur asked, tripping over his words at a rate that made Merlin look like the smoother of the two.

"It's fine....?" Merlin said, really not sure what he was meant to say. Had he missed something? Was it his birthday or some sort of anniversary he'd forgotten? "I don't quite know what I did to deserve it but it's...nice."

"Right. Yes," Arthur took a step forward, as if he'd remembered what he was supposed to be doing. "Sit down?"

He gestured at a chair that had been turned outwards, away from the table. Merlin walked over to it and sat down, looking about him again, starting to get an idea. An idea that he'd never spoken out loud, certainly one that Arthur himself hadn't brought up. That idea was somewhat confirmed when Arthur crouched before him, making them an equal height and taking Merlin's hands.

"I know that it's difficult, how we have to be, running everything through Guinevere but... I've always felt as long as you know and I know then nothing else matters. And I wanted you to know, even if it can never be officiated, that if I had a choice, I would have everyone know, I would marry you in front of everyone."

Merlin took in a breath so sharply that it hurt his chest.

"And I wanted to make sure you know that. So..." Arthur reached up to his neck and pulled off a chain. "I want you to have this. It was the ring my mother wore."

"Arthur..." Merlin started, about to say there was no way he could accept something so dear to him but Arthur held up his hand, silencing the protest before it had left his mouth.

"You won't be able to wear it properly, you'll have to wear it like I do, on this chain but...you'll know it's there and I'll know it's there and we'll both know what it means," Arthur opened one of Merlin's hands and put the ring and the chain in his palm.

"What does it mean?" Merlin asked, an eyebrow raised. He was pushing it, risking the moment, he knew but he'd been trying to talk those three words out of Arthur for what seemed like his whole life now.

"It means if I could marry you, I would. And that even though we can't, that's exactly what you mean to me. Forever," Arthur paused, looking down and trying to conceal a smile. "Fine. Alright. I love you, Merlin... there I said it."

"It took you long enough," Merlin joked, closing his hand around the chain.

"It's taking you long enough to say yes," Arthur pointed out.

"Oh, yes..." Merlin said, laughing at himself, like it was ever in question what he would say. "Of course, you dollophead."

"That's nice, really romantic," Arthur said, standing up and dragging Merlin up with him.

Outside the window, Gwen watched as Arthur pulled Merlin's neckerchief off and fastened the chain around his neck. She smiled to herself as they kissed; pleased that she'd had a hand in bringing them together like this. And when Arthur swept the plates from the table and onto the floor, replacing them with Merlin's body, she blushed, made a mental note to charge Arthur for the broken crockery and moved away from the window.

Merlin made a split second decision as his back hit the wood of Gwen’s table. He broke away from Arthur’s mouth only to have it drift down to his neck instead.

“Arthur, Arthur,” he said to no avail. He was sure he could say anything he wanted and Arthur would not hear him. “I have magic.”

Arthur froze, his hands halfway under the laces of Merlin’s breeches. So maybe not _anything_ then.

“What?” He said, before shaking his head. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m not, it’s true,” Merlin glanced around him at all the candles. “Look,”

He muttered _forbearnan_ under his breath and Arthur’s eyes went wide as a circle of gold spun through Merlin’s. He blinked and then looked around at the candles, each of them lit with an unnatural flame, burning red and giving the room a new, deeper hue.

“You can’t be a sorcerer, I would know,” Arthur straightened up and Merlin sat upright, reaching for him.

“I wanted to tell you, I did but you already have to keep so many secrets because of me, I didn’t want to put you in that position again.”

Arthur looked about him, like prey in the presence of a hunter.

“I know you’ve got a history with magic and you’ve been brought up to believe it’s innately evil but, look at me,” Merlin waited for Arthur to look at him. “You know me, I’m not evil.”

Arthur’s expression calmed slightly and he didn’t flinch when Merlin took his hand.

“I use it for you, Arthur, only for you,” he squeezed Arthur’s hand, wishing he could show him all the times when magic had saved his life or tell him how sometimes, when the kingdom hung in the balance, it was magic that saved the day. “It’s my destiny to protect you and help you, just as it is your destiny to become a great king. It’s because of that destiny that we’re even here like this. I couldn’t stand you at first, remember? But a very annoying, very wise dragon told me to stick with it, stick with you and you’d become the man you are today... the man that will bring peace to the kingdom. I should have told you, I know,”

Merlin cast his eyes down, the shiver of vulnerability running through him. He’d never bared himself like that before, not saying it all at once. There were certain people who knew about his destiny and certain people who knew how deep his love for and belief in Arthur went but nobody but himself knew how the two were entwined, wrapped so deeply around each other that he’d forgotten where one started and the other began. Arthur knew everything now, every secret and every thought. Waiting for him to turn away, to reject him, was like standing at the top of a precipice, waiting to fall.

But Arthur didn’t turn away; instead he leaned forward, bringing his palm up to Merlin’s cheek, making him jump slightly at the unexpected touch.

“It’s alright,” Arthur said, pressing his forehead against Merlin’s. “I know now.”

 

-x-

Time passed and Uther died. An assassination attempt that left him fatally wounded. Not even Merlin’s magic could save him, although they suspected Morgana’s hand in that. Merlin mourned, along with the kingdom, for Arthur’s sake. But on the inside, he knew that while Uther’s death was a great loss for Arthur, the kingdom would be gaining a great king and he couldn’t ever be truly sad about that.

They tried to reach out to Morgana, in every way they could to let her know that she could claim her rightful place beside Arthur but she didn’t return. It was Gwen that told Arthur he had to let her go.

The town had finished grieving and talk had turned to Arthur’s reign, his lack of a wife and his lack of an heir. Other kingdoms had even gone so far as to offer up their princesses and noblewomen in hope of securing their future peace with Camelot. People were starting to talk, Gwen told them as they sat around Arthur’s table.

“It’s the easiest solution, marry me,” Gwen suggested. “We were going to do it before, now we can.”

“I can’t ask you to do that for us, Guinevere,” Arthur said, shaking his head. He was King now, he felt responsible for the happiness of everyone, he couldn’t ask for anything of his people that he would not give himself.

“You’re not asking though, I’m offering,” Gwen corrected him, looking to Merlin for support.

“It would stop the talk in the town,” Merlin admitted. “And you could always move into Morgana’s old chambers.”

“But you’d be giving up so much,” Arthur protested. “Your chance at love, at future happiness. You’d always be tied to me.”

“Seeing my friends happy would be all the happiness I need. And if I ever change my mind, we’d find a solution. But for now, at least, let me do this for you,” Gwen said, her big brown eyes pleading and Arthur couldn’t help but let her win.

“I’ll propose at court tomorrow then,” Arthur said, glancing at Merlin.

“What are you looking at me for? I’m not the one who’s got to marry her,” Merlin said with a smile before relenting. “Do you want me to write your proposal for you?”

“I would appreciate it; you know I’m terrible at all those things. _Feelings_ and _girls_ and what have you.”

“You did alright with me,” Merlin pointed out, nudging Arthur with his knee.

“Yes, well, as much as I argue to the contrary, you’re not actually a girl,” Arthur nudged him back.

-x-

The next day at court, Arthur proposed, on his knees, in front of the whole court. Merlin was the only one close enough to see the way Arthur kept looking passed Gwen’s skirts and into his eyes instead, no matter how many times he kept nodding from him to look up at Gwen.

Amongst the standard lines were a few meaningful _thank yous_ , subtle enough that only Gwen understood them for what they were. When he was done and Gwen graciously accepted, the whole court applauded, with Merlin being the loudest among them. He hoped his loud claps drowned out his thoughts, the wish in the back of his mind that it should him and Arthur instead. But that this was as close as he was likely to get and without Gwen, they wouldn’t even have this much.

-x-

Finally, that bridge, the one Arthur had been so scared of, needed to be crossed. Merlin had watched from the sidelines as the secret relationship Gwen had with Lancelot progressed into something they couldn’t deny any longer, just like Gwen had watched the same thing happen between him and Arthur.

“We need to let her go,” Merlin said, half asleep and curled around Arthur. He was half thinking out loud and certainly not expecting a reply.

“I know,” Arthur agreed. “She has given up so much for us already, I’ve asked too much of her.”

“We asked,” Merlin corrected him. Since becoming King, Arthur had a bad tendency to assume the blame for everything, even things that weren’t remotely his fault. “And she wanted to help but we can’t ask her to turn her back on love. I mean, she never let us so we can’t let her.”

“I agree but how can we do it without causing a scandal?”

“There’s already a scandal, people know about her and Lancelot, it’s all about town. We can stage a discovery, pretend to have her exiled and set her up with a comfortable home in one of the outlying villages? It’ll be a step down from being Queen but if it was me...”

“You’d follow your heart,” Arthur finished for him, kissing the top of his head.

-x-

The kingdom shook when Gwen was ‘exiled’. She’d been a Queen of the people and the people had loved her. It never quite recovered.

They sent word to Morgana, once again offering her a proposal, a throne and rights to bear the heir of Camelot, although it wouldn’t be Arthur’s child. He also wrote of forgiveness, just in case she had orchestrated Uther’s death.

Much to their surprise, she turned up in Camelot a few weeks later, looking pale and bedraggled but somehow still Morgana. She was embittered, as was the kingdom. They had loved Gwen and some had heard of the tales of Morgana’s true parentage but it was too late to retract their deal, so another wedding went ahead, the vows meaningless this time but the pretence still the same. So long as they were talking in hushed whispers about Morgana, they weren’t questioning the close relationship Arthur kept with his servant.

One night, over dinner, Morgana revealed her true reason for coming back.

“I’ve heard talk of a prophecy,” she started, not quite trusting them enough to reveal she was the one that had seen it behind her own eyes. “Your doom draws near and it’s not at my hands, dear brother, I can assure you.”

“Go on,” Arthur prompted her, expecting her to reveal some battle plan of the Saxons.

“There is a man, once a boy, the one we saved from the gallows that night, do you remember?” Morgana pushed away her plate, no longer hungry. “He fights with the Saxons now. He is destined to kill you, Arthur.”

Merlin looked up from his own plate, forgetting all about food. “He can’t. We’re not finished yet. We still have a kingdom to unite.”

“Merlin, you’re a sweet boy but the kingdoms will never be at peace. If they don’t fight today, they will only fight tomorrow. It’s inevitable.”

Merlin shook his head; he refused to believe that even if all of history was stacked against him.

“I thought if you knew, you’d stand a fighting chance,” Morgana said, turning back to Arthur. “If not, then I’d have a chance to say goodbye to my brother. They are heading straight for Camelot, you’re destined to meet them at Camlann three days hence.”

Merlin pushed away from the table. He found he couldn’t listen to somebody else talk about Arthur’s destiny when he’d been kept completely in the dark about it.

When Arthur came to bed that night, Merlin had his argument ready. He knew Arthur wouldn’t listen but he couldn’t let it go unsaid.

“Don’t go,” Merlin said, quietly, picking at a loose thread on his shirt sleeve.

“I have to go, you know that,” Arthur said, taking Merlin’s hand away and holding it between his own. He knew Merlin’s nervous gestures better than his own. “If Camelot is in danger, I have to protect her.”

“And if you go, I’ll have to protect you,” Merlin closed his eyes, trying not to give in and break. “And risk failing you, losing you.”

“You won’t fail me, Merlin, you never will,” Arthur brought Merlin’s hand up to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to it. “If I die, it’s because I was meant to die. I have lived a better life for having you at my side and if it’s destined to be then I will go to my grave knowing that you loved me. And I hope that you would live on, knowing I loved you.”

 

_Centuries later..._

Merlin opened his eyes and pushed himself up from the ground, his new memories overwriting the old ones. He realised belatedly that he had changed history, just enough, but only a handful of people had known. It had all brought him back here, back to this island, back to waiting. Arthur had still died at Camlann, he still hadn’t been able to save him but he’d died knowing all the things Merlin should have told him.

Merlin smiled to himself, tears running down his cheeks that he didn’t even care to try and stop because for once, they were tears of happiness. He put his palms to the ground, feeling magic there once more, feeling Arthur waiting...waiting for him.

-x-

“I’m sure I felt something,” The Doctor complained loudly to himself.

“Chuck me those books, I used to be obsessed with history as a kid, maybe I’ll see if anything is off,” Amy said, holding her hands out for the books.

She thumbed her way through them, scanning lines. It all seemed to be there, King Arthur and his closest advisor Merlin. Queen Guinevere and her affair with Sir Lancelot. The Knights of the Round Table. Even Arthur and Morgana’s incestuous affair. Amy pulled a face, she knew if they were her friends, she’d certainly try to sweep that one under the rug but now she thought back, Merlin had told her a different story, a real one. It could just be historical inaccuracy but...hadn’t he said that the author was there?

“What’s the face for?” Rory asked, suddenly concerned. “What have you found?”

“No, it’s all there, it’s the story I remember but...”

“What?” The Doctor asked, leaning on the edge of his seat.

“But what if it’s because history has always been changed. I mean, what if it changed before the book was written, before the legend started? We’d have no way of knowing, would we?” Amy closed the book, forming her next sentence in her mind before speaking it. “I heard Merlin’s story straight from his mouth and it was... different. Less legendary, more PG.”

“What do you mean?” Rory asked.

“What if things got more _complicated_ after we left. I know Merlin was sure that he fixed it but...I mean he was there less than 24 hours, it couldn’t have taken that much of a push for them to go from being a King and his advisor to... well, more than that. What if whatever he did to fix it didn’t work?”

“But surely we’d know about it. If history had changed that much, we would know,” Rory said before looking uncertain. “We would know, wouldn’t we, Doctor?”

“What if...no, I can’t be that good,” Amy said bringing her hands up to her mouth.

“Pond, what did you do?” The Doctor asked reproachfully. “You didn’t flirt with him, did you? I told you not to flirt.”

“It was something I said, God, I didn’t even think about it, I was just trying to be nice.”

“What did you say?” The Doctor asked, preparing to tear around the universe to fix the effects of a few words.

“I said, don’t change history...” Amy closed her eyes, remembering the look on Merlin’s face when he saw Arthur that first time in the woods, after so long. “Don’t change history _unless you were meant to_.”

She smiled to herself, wishing she could know what she’d missed, what history had forgotten. Merlin would know though, she was sure of that. And he’d keep on waiting for him, for Arthur. Because he _was_ meant to, that was his destiny.


End file.
